*Spoilers for both Tears of the Kingdom, Breath of the Wild and Age of Calamity. *

So I’ve been playing Tears of the Kingdom for the past month because of course I would. It’s only my most anticipated game of 2023 and the sequel to one of my favourite Zelda games in the franchise after all. Well, most anticipated game of 2023 that doesn’t feature one of the best Spider-Man suits as a central mechanic at least! And you know, I’ve been having a dam good time with Tears of the Kingdom. Running around Hyrule, sending Koroks into space, helping my bro Sidon save Zora’s Domain from Sludge, helping my daughter Riju fend of some zombies, kicking the ass of a giant ice worm with my new son Tulin and helping Yunoboo and the Gorons get over there new addiction to crystal meth. Also building a new home outside Terry Town because I leave my old home in Hateno Village for a few years and suddenly the place is infested with Mushrooms! But umm, there’s one thing I haven’t been able to get over yet. One teeny tiny insignificant thing I NEED to talk to about someone. And that is well, umm… WHY THE FUCK IS MY MAN ROBBIE GETTING THE SHORT END OF THE STICK IN THIS GAME!?!?!

Okay so some of you might not know what the hell I’m talking about so let me give you some backstory. In Breath of the Wild released SIX YEARS AGO HOLY SHIT I FEEL OLD we meet two Shekia scientists who were both around 100 years prior to the games events before Calamity Gannon came and did to Hryule what Star Wars fans did to George Lucas’s sanity and absolutely decimate it! The first of these is Purah who in an attempt to turn herself into her much better Tears of the Kingdom six years early decided to experiment on herself with de-aging technology but ended up de-aging herself to much and turned herself into a loli and now she lives in the Hateno Ancient Tech Lab with her man slave Symin where she’s also able to reactivate the camera on your Shekia Slate because it was 2017 and everyone wanted to post there shitty selfies on the Hyrule Version of Instagram. Meanwhile Robbie doesn’t get off that lucky and is still an old man who looks like he’s going to keel over and die at any moment if you were to swing a Deku Leaf in front of him and I’m convinced he’s only managed to stay alive for all these years because of the power of determination after playing Undertale like once and seeing how effective it is. He also now spends his time hanging around the Akkala Ancient Tech Lab and hangs around a wired talking robot who spits out admittedly one of the best armour sets in the game and some ugly woman named Jerrin. The most significant thing Robbie does this whole game is ask you to strip naked.

Now let’s talk about Hyrule Warriors Age of Calamity which is both a sequel to the original Hyrule Warriors where you slaughter the entire population of the United States masquerading as Zelda enemies and also a semi prequel to the events of Breath of the Wild 100 years ago when two of the best Zelda characters of Urbosa and Mipha were still alive. It’s also in this game we see Purah and Robbie and what they looked like before old age and lolification hit. Purah a very pretty woman who looks to be in her 20’s probably and Robbie? Holy shit! Robbie looks handsome! This ladies and gentlemen is Robbie at his peak. Handsome, active, has fun and the best part is that he and Purah are even playable in this game as DLC. Not as separate characters but rather as one character and they both work together. AND Robbie is carrying on him a pair of badass dual chainsaws to fight of Jedi Master Sifo-Dyas’s clone army. Ash Williams? Fuck him! THIS is Robbie (and Purah’s there two I guess.) Objectively speaking the best version of Robbie in this series is the one in the semi non cannon crossover with the franchise I’m pretty sure was originally made a social experiment to show why throwing more bodies at the problem is morally wrong and doesn’t work unless the person playing it really does think that Dynasty Warriors game are just mindless button mashers which THEY ARE NOT and if you need me to prove that further you un-cultured shits, go play Fire Emblem Warriors! That game alone proves my point that these games require more thought from the player than…

Now we move on to the latest game in the Legend of Zelda series, Tears of da Kingdom. In this game we see Purah again and that the de-aging has worn off and she is started to get older and in her current state, oh boy Purah in her current state! I mean, what can I say about Tears of the Kingdom Purah that hasn’t been said already!? She’s beautiful! She’s gorgeous! There is a dam good reason a good 90% of the Zelda community likely wants to fuck Purah and have her have there babies! Now what about Robbie? Surely after her own experience Purah is going to give her old pal Robbie that technology and de-age himself to get him close to his Age of Calamity de… NOPE! Robbie is STILL stuck as an old man who looks like he’s going to crumble and turn to dust. Considering his friendship with Hyrules Next Top Model you think he’s get a break and be blessed with the same immortal life Purah has. The worst part is that after a certain point he will leave Lookout Landing to go back to Purah’s old lab in Hateno. Alone. No one to keep him company like in Breath of the Wild. Nothing to do after you complete the Purah Pad upgrade side adventure. The poor guys probably going to spending the rest of his life as a hermit whose entertainment is laughing at grown men on Hryule Twitter cry about the most insignificant shit like the skin colour of a fictional character. UNLESS Purah still has that technology hidden someone in her old lab. Maybe… Maybe THAT’S the REAL reason Robbie is in her old lab! To use her de-aging technology on himself! He doesn’t care if the process takes 100 years, he will do it!... Right? Unless he’s gotten to the point where his memory will start to deteriorate. He will forget who Link is, who Purah is, who he is. He… he’s not there to save himself. He’s there to die. Forgetful and forgotten. *Sigh.* Poor Robbie. This game’s done the guy dirty. This game needed to give the fandom someone to simp over but in doing so, they neglected poor old Robbie. Nintendo clearly hates Robbie and only Team Ninja give a shit about him.

*Sigh.* I’m sorry, I’ve made myself sad. I think maybe I should just get back to building my new house. Make it my dream location to live in. Maybe I’ll even adopt Riju and Tulin as my own kids and have them see Sidon and Yunobo as there new uncles. Maybe even try to find a way to use Age of Calamities time travel shenanigans to bring a still alive Mipha to my time so that we can start a family… What’s that? You say Tullin already has a farther and mother who are still alive and healthy? *Dresses up in the Yiga Clan armour set.* Not for much longer! Glory to the Yiga Clan and Master Kohga bitches!

Another year, another “me wanting to list of my fav games I played for the first time this year” thing. Unlike the last two years though I actually want to go into a bit of detail as to why I picked the games I did for my fav’s I’ve played this year because I do have my own reasons for each though they aren’t really anything that deep. And that’s it! Yeah short intro, I know. I started writing this last night and finished it this morning because I wanted to get this done before the new year.

10: Wii Party

This is one of the only games I played for the "first" time this year where I actually did have some experience with it prior though it was pretty brief. Originally, I first played this at a friends house in 2011 but only for one match of Board Game Island that we never even finished. The only other games I “first” played this year I did have some small experience with before being Ultimate Spider-Man where I also played once in 2011 and just fucked around and the original God of War in 2005 where all I had was a demo disk that had it on it. The only reason I really sought out Wii Party was because it was one of the only two games I needed for my “Wii Series” collection and also watching Professure’s Let Play’s on it. And I honestly ended up enjoying it way more than I remembered. All the game modes are fun and the mini games are enjoyable. And when your on Board Game Island and your at the top with multiple players and you have to roll a six to win it’s quite intense. Also, I will admit, maybe it’s mostly because I do have a decent bit of nostalgia built up towards the Wii Series. Not so much nostalgia that I’d want to go online and rant and rave about how “Nintendo Switch Sprots is the worst game ever made and Nintnedo are clearly trying to kill of Mii’s” or whatever other hyperbolic bullshit people are spreading but more because there’s just something about the personality of these games I can’t help but enjoy and keep coming back to and getting Wii Party and Wii Play Motion I feel complete.

9: Pilot Wings Resort

I know this games a part of a long running series that started in the 90’s on the SNES but considering it’s set on Wuhu Island, it has a free fly mode no different to Wii Sports Resort’s Island Flyover mode even giving you a similar reward if you find all 80 I points and it’s largely cantered around Mii’s it’s hard for me not to play this game and think it was an expanded version of the Air Sports modes in Wii Sports Resort. And it’s a fun expansion of that mode two! Planes, hang-gliders, jetpacks, all of them being fun to fly around in, a lot of levels and missions and the aforementioned Island Flyover mode. It does bother me somewhat that the timer in the free fly mode is now only 3 minutes rather than the five it was in Wii Sports Resort though. I really don’t get why they did that. But hey, at least you get a fancy castle if you find all the I points in this mode you get your own castle! No really, you go from being rewarded a cottage in Wii Sports Resort to being awarded a fully blown castle! What kind of reward system do they have on this island!? Screw it though, I’ll take it!

8: River City Girls 2

The original River City Girls in 2019 was already one of my favourite games from Wayfoward that WASN’T Shantae so when I saw that it was getting a sequel, I was excited. And I’d say that excitement paid off. Online co-op with four players with Kunio and Riki being unlocked from the start to accommodate this along with the new playable characters and other small improvements I never knew I wanted such as being able to swap out recruits at Kyoko’s home even being able to bring two with you this time. Also, Kyoko’s house has Kyoko’s mother. And Kyoko’s mother is best mom.

Mikaela: Wait, don’t you say the same thing about Toriel? And Melony? And Throani? And really just any MILF you like in general?

……. Also this game has a cameo from Patrica Wagon from Mighty Switch Force which is another game from Wayfoward I love which god yes! Now granted, this is the one game on this list I haven’t spent a whole lotta time with. It only just came out midway though this very month and I’ve been busy with a lot of other games but honestly, what I have played was enough for me to say “okay yeah, this is going on the list!”

7: Splatoon 3

Multiplayer is not the reason it’s one of my fav’s I played this year as it still has many of the things that have stopped me from fully enjoying Splatoon’s multiplayer since day one. Though at least Salmon Run is open 24/7 this time unlike Splatoon 2. This is purely because of the single player! This is genuinely my favourite single player mode in the series! It’s pretty much Octo Expansion but not a DLC, all of the levels being unique, I loved the new weapons and specials especially the one that basically turns you into Spider-Man, the gameplay itself still being as good as it has been in the last two games and the story itself was good and DIDN’T get so overly dark towards the end like Octo Expansions did! Seriously, if I never have to go through watching my character almost get killed in a giant blender again it will be two soon. Who was the target audience for this franchise again? Also, I’m just going to come out and say this, I love the idol group for this game Deep Cut! Like I’m not even kidding, Shiver, Frye and Big Man are my fav group of idols and I love how all three of them are influenced by different cultures. If these three ever get Amiibos I’m NOT waiting five years just to get them this time!

6: Pokemon Legends Arceus

When I saw this game announced for the first time, I was immediately excited for it purely because of the setting. And then the game came out and it may honestly be one of my new favourite Pokemon games overall. Not my favourite of the main series as that honour is still held by Sun and Moon, yes you heard me “Gen 5 was the last good Pokemon game” crowd, but in terms of games that walk the line between spin of and main series which this game walks it’s quite high up! It feels like the Wild Area from Sword and Shield but made into a whole game… sorta. It’s more like five wild areas. Ones where you don’t even have to engage in battle just to catch the Pokemon! No really, you can sneak up on unaware Pokemon, throw a Poke ball at them and catch them. Then there’s the change to the battle system where every move has a Strong Style where you sacrifice two turns for more power and Agile Style which is the same but reverse adding an extra layer of strategy to fights. Then there’s how the wild Pokemon in the world actually pose a threat to you the player, can hurt you and battle won’t start until you throw out a Pokemon of your own. THEN there’s all of the new Hisui forms for older Pokemon nearly all of which I love, especially Hisui Typhlosion and Hisui Sneasle and its accompanying evolution. I’m not even kidding when I say that I kind of want more Pokemon Legends games like this. Imagen one for Unova set in the old west or Kalso or Galra with Knights and Kings and Queens. Just as long as it doesn’t have Volvo because, and the games been out for long enough I feel I can finally vent about this, I fucking hate the secret boss fight agents Volvo so fucking much! Having to fight his team of six over powered Pokemon vs your team of should be over powered six Pokemon THEN having to fight Giratina right afterwards THEN having Giratina transform into his Origin forma and get back all his health AND THEN if you lose at this point you have to do the ENITER FUCKING FIGHT WITH VOLVO AGAIN this shitty little prick can fuck right off! I almost rage quite the game entirely because of this!!!

Mikaela: Umm… Do you need my Miltoic or the Naga Version of myself to calm you down again?

No, I’m fine thanks.

5: Xmen Origins Wolverine

I picked this game up at Oz Comic Con this year and you know how people say this is one of the best games based of a bad movie? Yeah, they ain’t kidding! It actually amazes me just how much better in quality this game is compared to the movie it’s based on. It probably helps that originally the X-men Origins Wolverine game was planned to be it’s own game before Sony approached the devs to turn it into a movie tie in game. And my god is this game fun! Not only is the combat fun but it’s brutal as all hell with blood and dismemberment which makes it even more surprising this is one of the few games that DIDN’T get censored in my country before the R18+ rating was introduced in 2013. If you showed me this game out of context I’d believe you if you told me it wasn’t a movie game because a lot of the areas in this game are exclusive to the game likely as a result of it starting out as it’s own original thing at one point. And then you would play the final level and I’d remember “… Oh god, I’m going to have to see that terrible looking version of Deadpool aren’t I?” Yeah I may be a pretty easy guy but even I hate that version of Deadpool! Until Insomniacs Wolverine game comes out if you ever wanted to really feel like Wolverine this is the game!

4: Bayonetta 3

Okay, putting all the drama that Helena Taylor caused by basically lying and brewing up controversy just for attention aside this is one of the other games from this year I was highly anticipating, and that anticipation paid off. One of the new things they added that I enjoy was the new Demon Slave mechanic. Finally, we actually get to control the demons in gameplay instead of just in a QTE at the end of a boss fight. Yeah, some of them can be pretty over powered, hello Umbren Clock Tower and Ball Zeeb, but hey you don’t have to play with them in combat if you don’t want to. Especially since all the new weapons are also just as fun to play with and while not being able to mix and match hand and feet weapons anymore does suck, I honestly don’t mind seeing as how each weapon has a Demon Slave tied to it so it feels like a substitute. Yes, EVERY weapon (excluding Scarborough fair and Love it Blue as those are bonus items for just having Bayonetta 1 and 2 save date!) Including Rodin! You can get both his weapon from the super difficult secret boss agents him AND the guy himself as a Demon Slave. I’d make a fetish joke out of this but then I remembered what franchise this is! And finally, FINALLY we get a new playable who ACTUALLY has her own unique move set with Viola! Seriously, that whole nonsense of the playable Jeanne, Zero and Rosa in previous games just being Bayonetta but with altered stats and the only real unique playable characters being locked behind a multiplayer mode was always the one thing I was never really a big fan of. Also probably hot take but Viola’s theme Gh()st > Bayonetta’s theme AI Fine. And yeah, the story isn’t that great sure, but Bayonetta is a franchise where the story usually takes a back seat. Although I will say this, and spoiler warning, if your upset at this games ending because it didn’t make all your Bayonetta X Jeanne fanfictions come true just remember that this game is about the multiverse and they are lovers in at least one universe!

3: God of War Ragnarock

There is only one real reason as to why this game isn’t higher for me personally. The blindness status effect that limits your vision and disables lock on. Other than that really petty nitpick (and I guess maybe me preferring the gameplay of the classic series because well, I played the original PS2 God of War this year as well and let’s just say growing up on the original Devil May Cry does affect you opinion on a games combat a little) the game itself is still really dam good. The new enemy types and better bosses would have been enough since those were two of the biggest complaints with the 2018 game but then they went and added a brand new weapon with the Draupnir spear, more realms from Norse Mythology to explore, sections where you get to play as Atreus and he’s just as fun to play as his farther AND having what is probably one of my favourite stories from any of the games I’ve played this year this could of easily made it to my favourite game I played this year. And seeing as how this game is meant to be the last of the Norse saga, here’s hoping we get that Egyptian setting for the next couple of games like the originally planned 2018 to be before settling on Norse.

2: Spider-Man Shattered Dimensions

This is the one Spider-Man I have wanted for close to a decade now even before I started properly collecting them in 2020 because the idea behind the game had always appealed to me. It was pretty much Into the Spider-Verse before Into the Spider-Verse. And I got extremely lucky with getting this game two! I got it from a Cash Converters for only $35 dollars and I’m so glad it actually worked two and was better than I imagined it. Not only does it have four different Spider-Men each with there own unique playstyle, but the levels all have their own visual styles to match the Spider-Man your playing witch is such a cool detail but they are all equally fun to play as! Oh, and despite what some people might tell, no. The Noir stealth levels DO NOT rip of Batman Arkham Asylum! This game was in development before Arkham Asylum was released. Knowing me though and what one particular Spider-Man in this game has you can probably guess which of these four is my favourite to play. The only thing I can really say I’m disappointed in is that up until the final level the Spider-Men don’t interact with each other. It honestly would have been really cool to see how Noir Spider-Man’s more serious personality conflicts with the others more joking sides or Amazing being somewhat worried to work with Ultimate because of his own experience with the Venom Symbiote. To be fair, we did get Edge of Time after this and even though that’s only Amazing and 2099 they do actually interact with each other. And also Into The Spider-Verse in 2018.

1: LEGO Star Wars The Skywalker Saga

Yep, out of every game I’ve talked about so far a LEGO game is not only my favourite from this year but also my most anticipated game of this year! Aside from being a really good retelling of all nine main movies the open world half of this game is actually what I have been wanting in a Star Wars game for years now! Being able to explore the galaxy and all the planets in it, fly around in space, do quests for people and to top it all off a massive selection of characters to play as especially if you include the DLC that add’s in characters from different Star Wars media like The Mandalorian and The Bad Batch. Then there’s the actual combat and I’m just going to come out and say this, this is the best combat in a LEGO game! It actually requires a lot more from the players other than just spamming square or jump slamming since enemies will start blocking your melee attacks if you use the same one over and over again but still being simple enough for the games target audience. This is how I want the combat in all the LEGO games going forward to be like. Imagen if we got a new LEGO Pirates of the Caribbean game with this combat or a new LEGO DC or Marvel game. Sure, there’s no Character Creator this time which does suck especially after just how good it was in LEGO DC Super Villains and they even said it was going to be added in at one point but who cares when the rest of the game itself is that enjoyable? There’s a reason it was one of the few games I went out of my way to get the Platinum Trophy on.

He’s white!

Not only that but he’s also a white male!

He has disgusting kinks like Hypnosis, Latex, Snake Coils, Vore and loads of other horrible kinks!

I bet he still lives in his mother’s basement!

He hates Hotline Miami and Spec Ops: The Line but likes The Last of Us 2 and the 2013 Devil May Cry reboot.

He claims to be a Devil May Cry fan but says that he wouldn’t care if Dantae was made playable in Super Smash Bros even saying he doesn’t “need” to be. Yes he does!

He claims to be a Shantae fan but says that he wouldn’t care if Shantae was made playable in Super Smash Bros even saying she doesn’t “need” to be. Yes she does!

He puts terrible jokes in the description of art he commissions.

He puts terrible jokes along side serious critiques in his game reviews.

He’s clearly a Wayfoward fanboy! I mean have you seen how many of their games he plays?

He’s clearly a Ubisoft Fanboy! I mean he enjoys Assassin’s Creed!

He like the Star Wars sequels but not the prequels! Is he even a true Star Wars fan?

He eats with his hands! Eww.

He leaves the Toilet Seat up!

Despite Lamias/Nagas being his favourite kind of monster girl his favourite from Monster Musume is Rachnera. What a hypocrite!

He doesn’t take tier lists seriously at all!

His favourite Zelda game is Twilight Princess!

He use to use Mikaela as a gender swapped self-insert of himself. Now he uses his actual self. How cringe worthy!

By the way, whatever happened to Male Mikaela anyway?

At least three of his waifus are not major characters in what they originate from!

He is always super late to playing popular games! It took him 13 years after the original release of Ocarina of Time to play it, 9 years after the original release of Batman: Arkham City to play it and Sonic Generations and over two decades for the original DOOM!

He actually likes Modern Pokemon. Because of him we will never get another good Pokemon game!

He thinks Team Rocket is the worst Pokemon villain team in the series but that the Aether Foundation is the best villain team!

He ships himself with Shantae. How cringe!

He ships his OC with Nessa. How cringe!

He actually likes Fire Emblem Awakening and Fates! What a shrill!

He actually dislikes Fire Emblem Shadows of Valentia! What a hater!

He thinks we overreact when we send death threats to people who are destroying our beloved franchises!

He genuinely believes that we aren’t entitled to have a movie/game/product turn out the way we need and that the creators should be allowed to do whatever they want!

He likes Life if Strange, the Star Wars sequels, Mad Max: Fury Road, among various other modern crap that pushes women and minorities in the spotlight so clearly, he’s an SJW!

I hear he puts his collection of Totaku figures on the same shelf as his Amiibo collection!

He says he’s from Australia yet have you heard his voice!?

His reviews are clearly just taken from the front page of most Wikipedia articles!

Not only does he like Undertale but it’s one of his favourite games of all time!

Not only does he love Skyrim but it’s one of his favourite games of all time!

He still plays Team Fortress 2 every now and then! Doesn’t he know the games dead?

He doesn’t like the words Cringe and Pogger.

He thinks KFC is better than McDonalds.

He actually thinks the Wii U has value despite all the games on it being ported to the Switch.

He thinks review scores have no value even though they clearly do determine the objective quality of a game!

He thinks Game of the Year is a meaningless title because a game you and everyone else loves isn’t going to be loved by everyone else because of our different tastes!

By the way, whatever happened to that story arc of Mikaela and Charlotte meeting for the first time?

He is WAY to harsh on Bolo, Morgana, Monika and Joel when they did nothing wrong in there respective games!

He actually has a Disney Plus subscription when he could of easily pirated The Mandalorian and Season Eight of Star Wars: The Clone Wars!

He plays Nintendo 64 games on an emulator despite owning a Nintendo 64 himself!

One of his favourite Pokemon, Milotic, he probaply only likes because he want’s to be coiled and hypnotised by it the dam deviant!

One of his favourite Pokemon, Gardivoir, he probably only likes because it’s obvious waifu bait!

He thinks Spongbob Squarepants declined in quality after Steven Hillinberge left to work on other things. He’s actually taking a show aimed at kids seriously!

He thinks Team Yell in Pokemon Sword and Shield is an representation of toxic fan bases. He’s taking a game aimed at kids seriously!

Despite being a fan of both Bayonetta and Devil May Cry he can’t even beat both those games on Non Stop Infinite Climax or Dante Must Die difficulties.

He genuinely thinks Call of Duty is one of the most over hated game franchises ever!

So he hates Hotline Miami but loves Katana ZERO even though those games aren’t that to different?

He probably only brought Blaster Master ZERO and Runbow because those games have his waifu playable in them as a guest character.

You want to talk about shit taste in characters? He likes Patricia Wagon, Alta and Luna even though the games they come from don’t have any actual story and are purely gameplay, likes Noize and the Water Lilly Siren despite those two only existing for the sake of there respective boss fights, Tharja and Camilla despite originating from the objectively worse Fire Emblem games and Hex Maniac and Tuki because…. Fucked if we know!

He probably only plays most of the games he does for the kink material anyway which makes us more surprised he claims to have not grown up with Totally Spies!

His into the Michaelverse idea was clearly ripped of from ISeeYouPenguin4’s Worlds Collide idea even shipping himself with a character whose name sounds no different from Shanti!

He likes Saints Row The Third over the vastly superior Saints Row 2!

He enjoys both Fallout: New Vegas and Fallout 4. Take one or the other man! Preferably the much more superior New Vegas because Bethesda is shit!

He thinks that we are hypocrites for wanting another Mario character in Smash but complaining about there being just as many Fire Emblem characters.

He thinks that we are hypocrites for being okay with Ezio in Assassin’s Creed to sparing Rodrigo Borgia’s despite plotting agents his family and caused his farther and brothers to be killed but getting angry when Elie in The Last of Us 2 doesn’t kill Abby who killed Elie’s farther figure!

He thinks we are hypocrites for complaining about Call of Duty doing the same thing every year but praising Super Mario Galaxy 2 for the same reasons we hate Call of Duty!

He says “No game is perfect” so why hasn’t he reviewed Ride to Hell: Retribution yet?

According to him, the haters of something are apparently more annoying than the fans!

He says “No game is perfect” so why hasn’t he reviewed Sonic 06 yet?

He thinks that he’s an artist all just because he does half baked self-indulgent fetish stories!

He’s never made a game in his life yet he still has serious discussions about games as if he knows what he’s talking about.

By the way, whatever happened to his Pony OC’s anyway?

“Hey guys, I think Michael really likes the Shantae series! I mean, here he is talking about it again!”

In all seriousness this is something I have actually been considering doing since the release of Seven Sirens. And boy did I pick an ironic time to write it because it was announced today at the time of writing this that the original Shantae and Risky’s Revenge are coming to Nintendo Switch. No word on a PC release for the original game but if you have been collecting these games on your Nintendo Switch then great news, you get to have the entire collection on one system! But more onto the topic of this journal. I have played every game in this series multiple times and my time spent with them was not wasted. Not to mention this is a series that is very dear to me which is why I’m taking the time out to talk about them. This isn’t a full review on each game and this should be pretty obvious at this point that this list is purely my own personal opinion. There’s actually a likely chance that what my personal favourite Shantae game is will actually be someone’s least favourite. Then again there is also a high chance that someone will do that just to bait people. I wish I were joking about that but no, there are people out there. Oh and also, spoilers for all the games, both gameplay and story.

5: Shantae

How ironic is it that I’m starting this list of with the first game in the series? Irony aside in general after playing it for myself I think the original Shantae was an overlooked gem of the Gameboy Colour. It has some really dam good looking and smooth animations for a game that was released on the system, mostly Shantae herself and her dancing, there were various different towns to visit which made Sequin Land feel more alive compared to latter games which only had Scuttle Town up until Seven Sirens and I absolutely love the second labyrinth with the magnets. Helps two that the actual gameplay itself was enjoyable with fun characters as long as we don’t count Bolo because it’s Bolo. Interesting note, in this game Shantae can actually learn a few different attacks aside from using her hair as the monster whipper as she calls it. This is something I do wish would come back as it does add some small variety to combat. I was actually more surprised though to see that Capcom actually published this game especially since the 3DS re-release skips over the Capcom logo in the opening. So yeah, if you have ever question why there’s so much fan art of Shantae and Rouge from Power Stone paired up together you know why.

That being said, for as good as I find the first game to be there’s a reason this game is so low for me. Actually, it’s more accurate to say there is a few reasons. You got stuff like the day night cycle where enemies got stronger at night time which on paper is something I should like but in my experience it always made encounters with enemies more tedious than it should have been which doesn’t help if you need to go from one end of the map to the other. To be fair, there is a fast travel system in the game but even that’s a pain to get use to because you need to find four teleport squids and return them to there mothers in each town before you can learn the dance to return to a town. Also, and this is really more of a nitpick than anything, but I find not being able to learn the Tinkerbat transformation all just because the 3DS release of the game, which is how I was even able to play this game legitimately in the first place, runs on a GBC Emulator rather than a GBA Emulator kinda sucks. That being said I have tried to get this game to run on my GBA Emulator on PC and I can only ever get as far as the title screen before the rom takes a dump on it self for some reason. And then there’s… *sigh* the race with Rottytops. Okay look, I love the character Rottytops. I will openly admit that she is my second favourite character in this series behind Shantae herself. But my god I feel sorry for anyone who originally played this game on a genuine Gameboy Colour or Advanced and didn’t have save states. You have to race Rottytops before you can access the third labyrinth in the game and you better play this race perfectly because if you screw up just once Rotty will go so far ahead of you that by the time you catch up to her she will already of won and argh this is the worst part of a character I otherwise love! Yeah, stuff like this is what keeps me from enjoying the game fully.

4: Shantae: Risky’s Revenge

Oh hey, more irony. The next game on my list is also the next game in the series! Putting aside how my own irony surprises even me sometimes it’s hard for me to not feel kinda bad putting Risky’s Revenge this low on my personal list because this game is actually a really big improvement over the original and any problem I personally do have with the original are either gone or improved on entirely. The fast travel was improved on so that all you have to do is just wake up some squid statues so that they can be used as fast travel points. Transforming is also a lot more streamlined as well since rather than having to remember a bunch of button combinations that you might forget because you have a terrible memory like me all you have to do is hold down the dance button and depending on how long you hold it for your transformation will differ. Even stuff like the map to help find where you are is a god send. There’s no map for the labyrinths, just the over world, but dam it still helps. Not to mention there’s also the Directors Cur release that adds in Magic Mode which aside from changing Shantae’s outfit to be more fan service than her main outfit already is makes it so that magic attacks only use half your magic meeter with the trade of being that you take less damage making it great for it you want an extra challenge. Seriously, try getting to the end of the game in this mode without any heart holders and if you somehow manage to beat the Genie Clone at the end of the game without using potions to heal yourself because trying to that part no damage is about as possible as expecting IGN to not be incompetent then you deserve a medal! Not to mention this game has probably my favourite designs for both Shantae and Rottytops and I kinda prefer this art style over the latter ones. There is a reason the win screens tend to be my desktop wallpapers at times.

But you can’t really blame me for putting this game as low as I have when you consider that this is a very short game. On my first playthrough I managed to beat it in just five hours and that’s including the times I had to reload a save point because I died and how lost I got in Hypno Barons tower which I think we can all agree is the most painfull thing in a Shantae game I have ever had to go though, and I’ve played Half Genie Hero on hard core mode up to Ammo Barons airship! The length isn’t helped either by the cliff hanger ending that isn’t resolved until four years latter with Pirates Curse. And speaking of Pirates Curse this isn’t like that game where there’s a true ending for collecting every single optional McGuffin either. Not to mention the little green slimes which shot out little green things that are so small you likely won’t notice them until they hit you. None of this makes me want to say that Risky’s Revenge is worth skipping and I do find it to be a massive improvement over the original and worth playing even still.

3: Shantae: Half Genie Hero

Some people would probably want to put this game lower on there personal list because of how it’s not a proper Metroidvania like the other four games and it’s more of a liner platformer with Metroidvania elements. I actually didn’t mind the change that much. Hell there are games I love that are part of an established series that change things up. I put Saints Row the Third above Saints Row 2 and I probably shouldn’t have said that. Please send all your hate mail to manwithpoortasteineverything12345@yahoo.com.au. Honestly, I think my love for Half Genie Hero is more of a result of just the timing of when it came out. I had only just played and loved Pirates Curse at the start of 2016 which aside from practically spoiling what my number one is going to be was the same year Half Genie Hero was coming out right at the end of the year. It was only my second Shantae game at the time and I loved it. The new hand drawn and cartoony art style in game which leads to some great animations that rival the original GBC game and I love the updated look to a lot of the classic enemies as well. Mostly the mermaids, nagas and batgirls because of course I would as this whole series is filled with waifu material, though some of you might be surprised to hear me say that last one. The transformation dances came back after being absent from Pirates Curse and voice acting!.. Well, some voice acting, it’s not a fully voiced game. I’m just glad that Shantae isn’t the only character in this game that has voice clips in this game and I’m glad Christina Vee is still the voice of Shantae and a pretty dam good singer two. Yeah the first level in Scuttle Town opens with a song sung by Christina Vee herself. Not to mention there’s all the additional content you can get for this game like Pirate Queens Quest where you get to play as Risky Boots and the game play is a lot like Pirates Curse which I loved, Friends to the End where you can alternate between best girl Rottytops, other girl Sky and… *sigh* Bolo. Not to mention the costume pack where your playing as Shantae but with altered gameplay and the same goes for Jamies Mode. Yeah, with the exception of Jamies Mode which was given to players for free all that stuff is paid DLC but to me I enjoyed this game enough that I was willing to buy all of them as they came out. I mean the Costume Pack let’s Shantae dress up as the main character from one of my other favourite games from Wayfoward, Patricia Wagon from Mighty Switch Force and even changes the music to be that from MSF and MSF 2. Only thing that would of made it better is if the credits music was changed to Rescue Girl from MSF 2 since that song kicks so much ass! I would recommend getting the Ultimate Edition if you haven’t gotten the base game yet because aside from getting all the DLC along side the game you also get content that was previously exclusive to those who backed the game on Kickstarter like alternate colour schemes for Shantae and Risky Boots (fun fact, Risky’s actually references her in game sprite from the original GBC game) as well as the Tinkerbat transformation.

I guess the only things I really dislike about this game is that, yeah I do kind of prefer the Metroidvaina style of Shantae game. That isn’t me saying I would never want to play this game again because of the different gameplay structure, hell I was willing to buy the ultimate edition on Nintendo Switch after playing the base game on PC, and I do think Shantae works just as well in this structure but I do kinda prefer the older style. Not to mention this game didn’t really expand much on the world like with previous games. Yeah, there was the new character Holly but she quite literally disappears not 10 minuets latter not to mention Tuki who I love more than I should considering she’s just an NPC to buy items and transformations from though considering I have a thing for Nagas/Lamias that shouldn’t be a surprise. Though coming up with theories on who she really is or if she herself is a genie because of how she never leaves her pot like how genies in fiction are always confined to their lamp is also just as fun. Not to mention the moment where Risky Boots manages to invert Shantae magic from good to evil which lasts for about 2 minutes unless you play Friends to the End where the whole plot is about saving Shantae and turning back her magic with Nega Shantae being the final boss. And also, despite official artwork of this transformation existing Naga Shantae is not a thing. ☹

2: Shantae and the Seven Sirens

I was a little hesitant to put Seven Waifus… I mean Seven Sirens this high up on my list considering how recent this game is, like only over a month recent, but dam if this game doesn’t deserve to be this high for me. And maybe my decision to put it this high like with Half Genie Hero was influenced by timing. I had managed to play though every other game at this point and this game was announced only a year after I had finished the original and Risky’s Revenge so I was kinda on a Shantae high at that point. And dam if the wait for this game wasn’t worth it. To me this game feels like it takes the bests parts of each game which shouldn’t work and sounds like a terrible idea, but it does work. The fusion coin transformations that happen instantly like the Pirate Gear from Pirates Curse but still has transformations that you do by dancing in the same way you do in Half Genie Hero only this time rather than proper transformations you get to run around in they are more used to open or activate cretin thing then you go straight back to human Shantae which might be disappointing to some but hey, at least we got what’s probably my favourite transformation just for it’s design alone out of it that being Seer Shantae. It’s gone back to the Metroidvania style of gamplay for those who missed it, the world you explore is big with lots of secrets and just the fact it’s set on a new island to expand the world a little is welcome to me as well as how there are multiple towns which is something that hasn’t been in the series since the first game, the fast travel from Risky’s Revenge making back tracking a lot more tolerable, the return of Magic Mode though this time around Shantae trades her very revealing golden bra and panties that were basically just one big un subtle Star Wars reference for a Hula Dancer outfit and I’m just glad after the last two games this one DOESN’T make you just though a bunch of optional hurdles just to get the true ending! Not to mention the animated cutsecene which only makes me want an animated series more, the new characters Plink, Vera, Zapple and Harmony which is probably going to open the way to some more Half Genie OCs. Even the music in game feels like it’s kind of belongs in a Gameboy game. Not to mention stuff like the monster card system where you can get different kinds of stat boots as well as being able to sell any duplicated cards for gems are defiantly a welcome addition and thankfully because of the random nature of when they spawn they are not required for 100%. Oh and if any of you are wondering if I consider any of the Seven Sirens as my waifus well I wanted to wait until the game came out and played it for myself before I… Water Lilly Siren! You know, I may prefer to wait until something comes out before fully forming an opinion on it but even my mind was made up about the Water Lilly Siren being my favourite the moment I saw her before the game came out. Sure as hell didn’t make beating her up in game any easier especially with how she looks withered when you defeat her.

As far as things I don’t like go, and this is kinda a massive spoiler for the games plot so skip ahead to my number one if you don’t want to be spoiled, but it has to do with the “new” character Fillin. I put “new” in quotations because she isn’t a new character. She’s just Rottytops in disguise who snuck onto the island because she didn’t get invited even though Shantae had every intention to invite her but couldn’t find her. One on hand this sucked for me because I genuinely wanted Fillin to be a new character and I though the idea of a Half Genie Zombie would have been cool to see or if one could exist in the world. On the other hand though, it’s still Rottytops so it’s hard for me to be fully upset over it and I always love seeing Rottytops dress up two.

Before I say what my number one is I want to give a quick honourable mention to the cancelled Gameboy Advanced sequel Risky’s Rampage. From what Wayfoward has shown of in the past on a stream the game looked pretty interesting and I’m glad not everything from this cancelled project went to waste as a lot of Risky’s Revenege was made up of assets from this cancelled game. It would be cool if they released a rom for people to download and play but I’m not going to lose sleep over it if all we see of it is the stream from back in 2013.

1: Shantae and the Pirates Curse

This really shouldn’t of come as a surprise to anyone who knows me personally. Shantae and the Pirates Curse isn’t just one of my personal favourite Shantae games but also one of my favourite games of all time. Like, at least in the top 5 or 10 at most. So yeah, sorry if I come of as bias towards this game. No, I’m not sorry as and you really shouldn’t have to apologize for your opinion on a game of all things. But yeah, Shantae and the Pirates Curse means a lot to me and it’s not just because it’s a genuinely fun game but also because it was the first game in the series I played and the time I played it really helped me though a pretty shitty time I was going though. I know some people probably find that sort of statement to be pretentious but that’s a really close-minded way of looking at things. Games are meant to be fun and entertain you. And entertain Pirates Curse does. Rather than the transformation dances of the previous games Shantae this time around uses various pirate gear that use to belong to Risky Boots old master who’s soon to be resurrected and Shantae doesn’t want that to happen because with a title like “The Scourge of Sequin Land” why would you. Risky doesn’t want him resurrected because well, let’s just say she ‘borrowed’ some things from him after she took his place. I actually like that Shantae and Risky have to work together mostly because we actually get some backstory on Risky Boots and how she use to be part of the Pirate Masters crew. No, I don’t’ ship Shantae and Risky together, *cough* Shantae X Rottytops *cough.* The pirate gear is fun to use because other than the boots they don’t need to be charged and they are all mapped to different buttons and it’s great when you get to use two or more in combination with each other, that’s kind of the same reason I love the Fusion Coins from Seven Sirens so much. You use them rather than the dances because at the end of Risky’s Revenge Shantae genie magic is drained from her to create the genie clone that she had to fight making Shantae a full human. She does get back her magic at the end of this game assuming you get the true ending after finding all the dark magic which given Half Genie Hero comes right after this is also the cannon ending. I wouldn’t say that they are better than the transformation dances, I actually enjoy both of them for they own reasons and which one you prefer more of less comes down to personal prefrence, but I would be hard pressed to say I wouldn’t chose the Pirate Gear over the dances if I had to.

But the gameplay alone isn’t what makes me love this game as much as I do. No, rather my love for this game comes from when I played this game. For those of you who don't know my parents are divorced. They have been for over a decade now since 2006. A few years later after my parents spilt my mother meat someone new in 2008. He seemed nice at first and for the first few years we knew him he was. He gave us a place to stay after we moved out of our hometown and I got along with him pretty well. But then 2016 came around. Aside from being my final year in high school which itself was a hard thing to go though right at the start of the year my mother told me that she and I were moving out because the man we though loved her didn't and after we left him we learnt that he was not a very nice person or loyal to my mother. This may of affected my mother more than me but it was still pretty hard to know that someone I had trusted since 2008 wasn't who he seemed to be. So, I turned to what I always did when I was sad, video games. It was around this time that Bayonetta was added to Smash Bro's for Wii U rather than the most popular character everyone was begging for, Shantae and how everyone thought that she "Deserved" to be in Smash Bros. No she does not. No character does. Being in Smash is not the end all, be all for a character. Just simply mentioning Smash Bro's you can probably guess how I came to know about Shantae. And I needed something to play. I needed something to keep me happy. I wanted to play a Shantae game. So a week before we moved out I brought Shantae and the Pirates Curse on my 3DS after I came home from school one day.

And when I started playing, I didn't want to stop. This felt like the only time I could forget that my life was a living hell and just enjoy myself with characters and a setting that was more colourful and cheery than what I was going though at the time. Every session managed to make me smile and most of that was because of Shantae herself being so entertaining and likable and funny. Is it really any wounder why she’s as much of a waifu to me as she is? I played a lot of other games during that year and the only other ones that managed to make me feel as much happiness and joy were Undertale and Pokemon Sun and Moon. Honestly, my experience with this series and this character is some of the most fun I’ve had with a game since I was a child. And in an era where most games think that they have to be dark or serious or something to get people to talk about them it’s great that something like this could come into my life. And honestly, if a game or a series manages to help get you though a hard time then that’s all that matters. And considering what’s going on in the world right now I feel like playing one of these games again now.

I'm sure many of you have seen my latest pic I've commissioned of Shantae in her Seer Form in some classic Damsel in Distress peril. And well, I got hit with a notification saying that the pic is "Underage Sexuilized Content." This isn't anything new to Shantae related kink pics and to be honest, I did half expect to get that since I have heard of artists getting that same notice and this isn't even the first time this has happened to me either. The first time I ever got this was on my story of Shantae being turned into a fembot. In fact, when I was writing my Risky's Ship Head Replacement fic I half expected to get one there two since it once again involve Shantae in peril, this time being petrified yet I didn't. But I did here which only shows just how inconsistent DA is with lewd Shantae art. Why did I get this notice on my most recent pic? Because DA, and a lot of people who are both fans and not fans of Shantae, seem to think she's 16 years old. She isn't. If she was really 16 or younger I wouldn't be commissioning or writing stuff about her. I DO NOT and WILL NEVER have anything done for me that does involve any character under the age of 18 and I do not enjoy that kind of art either no matter how many times people try to excuse themselves by saying that the characters are "aged up". In fact, allow me to explain to you why Shantae isn't 16.

1. The misconception that she is 16 came from an intern that was working at Wayfoward and was in charge of there Twitter account. Someone was asking about Shantae's age and this intern just said 16 without even asking Matt Bozon or anyone else who has been with the series longer than she has. No one who has ever worked on a previous Shantae game in the past has ever done so under the impression that she was 16. Thankfully someone at Wayfoward did manage to clear this up as well as how they don't make games with the intent of making people feel uncomfortable and in fact this morning someone even shared a tweet that proved this farther as well as a Know Your Meme post I found a few weeks ago, I'll leave links to those, but still this is on that intern for not double checking before pulling a "fact" from nothing. https://mobile.twitter.com/RoninDudeArt/status/1271240749904879616 https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/1515977-shantae
2. When she's not being the guardian Half Genie of Sequine Land her other job is belly dancing, and belly dancing or Baladi as it's sometimes called can be a very sexual thing. Aside from how little clothing the dancer wears they often preform dance moves that make the audience draw there gaze to there mid section or there ass depending on the move. And what does Shantae do to transform in this serries? Yep, Belly Dance! Shantae even has some dance moves in both the original GBC game and Risky's Revenge where her rear is facing you and she shakes it. While it is true that Belly Dancing isn't exclusive to females, one writer and fellow Shantae fan I follow here has even admited he's done Baladi in the past, and I'm not going to act like I have deep intermite knowledge of Belly Dancing but even someone who sucks at dancing like me can admit that Belly Dancing can be very sexual.
3. Let's for a moment assume that Shantae is 16 and that the guys at Wayfoward know this two. If she really was 16 do you really think they would be comfortable with most of the stuff Shantae has gone though in this series? Aside from the Belly Dancing I just went on about and how one of the moves in the original GBC game even has her winking at the player there's also most of what she has worn throughout this series. Hell, her main outfit is nothing but a bra with long pants. But there's also stuff like the Space Princess outfit from Risky's Revenge and Pirates Curse where she wears even less than her main outfit covering only her boobs and mid section. What about the Costume Pack for Half Genie Hero where one of the outfits is her in a short bikini and panties and the other outfit where she wears Patrica Wagons outfit from Mighty Switch Force which is quite literally a leotard. Then there's the various win screens across the series of her in a bikini where in all of them she often looks at the player with almost Bedroom Eyes kind of. That's not even talking about some of the enemies in the series like one from Pirates Curse which is literally a mass of tentacles that bind her and is an easy Henti Joke. There is even an enemy in the unreleased Gameboy Advance sequel that attack's Shantae by spanking her!

But yeah, that's all the reasons why I think Shantae ISN'T 16. Though I guess if you want to count them her art work in Risky's Revenge where she looks way older than her Half Genie Hero design or how her voice actress Christina Vee makes her sound could be considered a fourth and fifth reason. I know what I say here probaply isn't going to change much but unless her age is actually said in universe or something no, I am not going to change my thoughts on this. That pic of Seer Shantae isn't going down just because of some misconception.

And no, I don't "Want" these characters to be playable in Super Smash Bros, these are characters that NEED and MUST be made playable in Smash! No, this isn't based on my own opinion, this is objective fact! Saying this list is my own opinion is like saying that someone might actually enjoy modern Pokemon games. What a joke! Everyone knows Sun and Moon and Sword and Shield are objectively terrible games and anyone who say's other wise is obviously a troll or a child! But back on topic it's no surprise that Fighters Pass 1 for Smash Bro's ultimate was TERRIBLE!!! Four weebs no one asked for and only one character that should of been in the game already? How dare characters no one knows about be added into Smash! I mean, what are they trying to do? Spread awareness for a series no one is going to care about or play? PLEASE! All anyone want's is the popular characters! "Well no one knew who Shantae was until you all kept demanding for her to be in Smash Bros." Who asked you? Nobody! Just like how nobody asked for generic anime guy, generic anime guy, generic anime guy or generic anime guy! "Do you even know anything about those so called 'Generic Anime Guy's?' And how are they any more generic than Dan..." NOBODY CARES! But these guys, oh yes! So let's hope Nintendo see's this list and listens to us since they should!

10. DOOMGUY!

I mean this is obvious right? It's mother fucking Doom! Doom guy has so much potential for a move set! He's got guns, a chainsaw and......... ummm...... well..... he's........ Ah who cares! He's from one of the most influence games ever so he totally deserves to be in Smash!

9. JAMES BOND!

Why limit our self to just game characters right? Why not add movie stars? And this is a characters who was requested leading up to the release of Melee but what did we get instead? Some generic sword's men from some generic game from Japan called Fire Emblem and now this game has TWO MANY FIRE EMBLEM CHARACTERS! Come on Sakuri, no one plays Fire Emblem! Everyone knows that!

8. WALUIGI!

Waluigi has been disrespected by Nintendo for TWO DAM LONG! He NEEDS to be made a fighter all ready! Not a shitty Assist Trophy that no one will use because no one plays Smash with items on!

7. GENO!

WHY IS GENO NOTHING BUT A SHITTY SPIRIT IN ULTIMATE?!?! He deserves to be a fighter! "Didn't you just get don't complaining about how there's 'Two many Fire Emblem characters' and that no one plays Fire Emblem? Now your asking for not one but two Mario characters when the amount of Mario characters is almost equle to Fire Emblem and you even want a character from a Mario Spin Off that not many people have even played! Doesn't that seem pretty, ya know, hypocritical?" Oh no not at all. Why? Because PEOPLE ACTUALLY PLAY MARIO!!!

6. SORA!

Speaking of Square Enix games WHERE'S SORA ALREADY!? And don't give me that shit about Disney or copyright or anything, Sora deserves to be in Smash just like EVERY one of these fighters! Plus he come's from another Crossover Game so it would be incredibly fitting!

5. SHANTAE!

I mean this one's obvious right? We have been in dire need of Shantae since Smash for Wii U and were voting for her constantly and what did we get? A FUCKING WHICH THAT RUINED THE GAME!!! "Shantae's already in the game as a spirit though! Isn't that good enough for you?" NO! NO IT'S NOT!!! SHE DESERVES BETTER!!! "Oh please, you wouldn't of even known who she was if it wasn't for everyone demanding her to be playable ever since the release of Pirates Curse." YES I DID! I've known her since....... Pirates Cur...

4. DANTE!

I mean this one's is also obvious two right? Who doesn't want Dante in Smash? Actually, why isn't he in Smash? HE SHOULD OF BEEN THE FINAL CHARACTER FOR FIGHTERS PASS ONE! BYLETH STOLE DANTAE'S SLOT! "You know, for someone who clams to hate four out of the five DLC characters for Smash Bro's Ultimate and say's that they are generic anime guy's you seem to be requesting a lot so far along those lines. Geno, Sora and now Dante who is more anime protagonist than the Devil May Cry anime they made." DON'T YOU DARE DISRESPECT DANTE LIKE THAT! You're no better than those fuckers at Ninja Theory who tried to kill of the series back in 2013 with there shitty reboot! God, just talking about that makes me so angry after this I'm going to go take out my anger on Byleth in Ultimate for stealing Dante's slot and feel satisfaction!

3. THE WII SAFETY GUY!

I mean, if it's in a Nintendo game then it's fair game right? And the Wii Safety Guy is as fair game as any! "Now your just streacing." OH WELL IT'S NOT LIKE YOU HAVE ANY BETTER IDEAS FOR CHARACTERS! "No your right. My picks would be very un-popular picks that only I seem to to asking for like Ezio or Kazyua. I am aware that as far as Assassin's Creed goes we do have a costume for the Mii that..." OH MY GOD, NOBODY CARES!

2. GOKU!

How many times have we asked for Goku to be added to Smash? And how many times has Sakuri ignored us? TWO DAM LONG! "I fail to see how he's ignored you considering he's added Ridley and King K. Rool to Ultimate, added back an Adventure Mode and even if it wasn't in the way you wanted added Shantae, Shovel Knight and Geno in some way." THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH! Now if he add's Goku then I will finally be happy! And if you think that I'm a hypnocrit or think that I'm over reacting then your not a real Smash fan and you are probaply going to get infected with Corona Virus!

1. I actually don't care.

Happy April Fools day people! Yeah, don't take this journal two seriously. I know that saying something is a joke kind of ruins the whole point of a joke but given how we live in an age where people will look so deep into something that they might not get that something is intended as a joke can you really blame me? It's just a bit of fun and a way to take the piss out. And if you want my actual thoughts, that's honestly a discussion for a whole other journal but no character really "Needs" or "Deserves" to be in Smash. Honestly, I'll be more impressed if this manages to make anyone laugh more than anything.

I remember when My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic first came out back in the early 2010s and all the praise that this show was getting from it's ever growing community of fans that everyone refers to as Bronies. I don't think anyone could of seen this coming and to be fair, no one did. But Bronies were a thing and still are a thing even after the show has finished. And I was one of them. My story with the Brony Community began in 2012 when I started to learn that they were a thing. And I actually kind of wanted to watch the show for myself to see why there was such a big fan base around it. There was just one thing that was kind of stopping me, while I knew at that point the stigma was total bullshit about how girly things or female leads mean meant for girls I was worried about the people around me who actually did believe in that stigma and trust me one side of my family is very close minded in that regrade! I mean if I personally did believe that stupid stigma then I might not of become such a fan of Shantae or Mighty Switch Force or hell even Bayonetta! So yeah, I mostly kept my viewing of MLP to myself when no one else was around and I'm really glad I did watch it back when it was still going because I really liked the show. During seasons 4 and 5, I would almost always look up online if the episodes were up to watch and because of how I never knew any station in Australia that aired them and I had to resort to using Daily Motion. Also, even if it's not my best work now I'm actually pretty proud of my early days on Deviant Art. The content I did of my Pony OC's is what originally gained me watchers and comments. If I were to remake some of it now or commission artists to do art around it now it would probaply be a little different than what I originally did.

So, what do I think of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic now compared to when I first saw it? Well, the same as I did back then. I thought it was a well made show with fun and memorable characters with good morals and I still think it's a well made show with fun and memorable characters with good morals. Do I think it's one of the best animated shows ever? Well, maybe? I haven't watched a lot of animated anything mostly because of how video games are my main source of entertainment as well as my increasing desire to watch more anime over western shows, mostly because I'm sick of almost all adult western cartoons that aren't Bojack Horseman being a comedy with gross out humour and a horrible art style, but out of every Animated Show I have watched it's up pretty high. This show has some really great episodes in it. At the same time though, not every one of them is a winner. And I don't mean the moral of the episode is bad or anything, in fact even in some of the weaker episodes the morals are actually alright, but rather how the episode may of delivered it wasn't the best. I mean you still have episodes like the one where Apple Bloom almost get's herself killed trying to prove she can look after her self and Apple Jack has to come in and save and even after that Apple Jack is all like "Nah, I may of been a total hard ass on ya about going though here but I think you can handle yourself."

Honestly though, I'd say there's more good or at least decent episodes than there are bad ones. The same goes for the characters as well. I mean, many of you who were on my DA back in 2014 and 15 probaply know how much I love Fluttershy and Luna and even if I'm not as involved in the community as I once was, still do. My protective big brother complex literally always kicked in with Fluttershy and while I'm not to proud of how defensive I may of gotten in the past sometimes, even being as petty as to refuse to favourite kink art involving her even if it involved a kink I was into like Hypnosis, that doesn't change how much I love her. I am really glad I've moved on from that part of my life though and grew up. And playing though Fallout: New Vegas with the Fluttershy companion mod was one of the best experiences I've had in a game. I mean now a days the idea of having a cute character like Fluttershy in a world as dark and unforgiving as Fallout seems kind of silly to me but dam if it wasn't a memorable time especially with how you could even teach Fluttershy to defend herself once you travelled with her enough. As for Luna, it was more of a case where I felt sorry for her than anything else. Being banished to the moon for 1000 years and then coming back trying to adjust to everything in modern times. I mean, she did have it coming what with her trying to create eternal night and all but still, hard for me not to feel some what sorry for Luna. Of course, for every Fluttershy and Luna there was also characters like Diamond Tiara who was kind of made to be and unlikable bully anyway, Trixie who drives me insane with her ego and... *sigh* Discord. Okay, I like a lot of the characters in this show. I will find something about all of them I at least like. Even King Sombra who everyone agrees isn't the best villain in the series, I at least like his design and how he can turn into a being of smoke. But I could never bring myself to like Discord, even now. Back then I hated Discord because of how he faked a sickness to make Twilight and Cadence go out of there way to find a cure which almost resulted in them getting killed by a giant worm monster, sold out his friend for the sake of some all powerful goat man promising him power and getting so jelious of Fluttershy going to the Gala with an old friend of her's to the point where his actions of bringing discount The Blob ruined the entire thing and almost out of rage banished Tree Hugger to another dimension all just because he was jelious "Senpi Didn't take me!" Now a days after looking at him with a more critical eye I can safely say that... I hate Discord now as much as I did then! I'm sorry, am I missing something here? I mean, I must be if people defend him and say he's one of the best characters in the show!

Moving onto something more positive, I can't talk about Friendship is Magic without talking about how like anything popular, Friendship Is Magic has been the source of a lot of fan animations, songs, drawings and other forms of art. Really, really dam good art. Seriously, sometimes when I'm playing a game I often have some songs like Nightmare Night, Awoken, The Pick Up on my Youtube Song Rotation because dam if these songs aren't awesome. Now of course not every that was fan created was great, Double Rainboom I get was meant to be a tribute to Larun Faust and her previous work but looking at it it kind of just feels like the Ready: Player One of My Little Pony. References and Fan service for the sake of it. I mean it's better than Dusk's Dawn at least. And if you don't know what Dusk's Dawn is, it's a thing I just made up on the spot that doesn't exist. Seriously, don't look it up! Please! I even remember there was actually a fan made fighting game based around it. Yeah, you all know the game Them Fighting Heards or whatever it's called where it's houses fighting eachother? Yeah, that actually started as Fighting is Magic which as you can probaply guess is a fan created fighting game that had a lot of work put into it. I never actually got around to playing it but looking at old archived footage of it, it clearly had a lot of effort put into it which is more than I can say for most of the badly done RPG Maker games I see.

Now of course, your probaply expecting me to talk about... THOSE people. You know who I'm talking about, the Anti Bronies. People who don't like the show. And there's nothing wrong with not liking Friendship is Magic. We can't all like the same thing because of a little thing called opinions and individuality. I mean, how boring would things be if we all just agreed with each other on everything? (I didn't like Cuphead.) However Anti Bronies, oh boy, Anti Bronies. I've seen it all with these guys. Calling bronies gay because they watch a show intended for little girls, some even calling them pedophiles, hate bombing anyone who was a brony even if they were not spreading it around or anything (Some assholes even came onto my Youtube page and called me scum just because my Profile Pic at the time was of Ponies even if I never said anything in the comments about MLP!) and even driving a kid to commit suicide! I mean he survived but why do some people keep saying that Bronies are cancer when the people who hate this community are far more toxic!? There's disliking something because you don't enjoy it which is fine and then there's going so far with your hate that you do shit like almost driving a kid to try to kill himself! And I'm not trying to say that Bronies are perfect either, I remember when everyone flipped there shit and over reacted over the end of Season 3 because Twilight became an Alacorn and even saying that they were leaving the fandom because of it. But when you do some of the horrible shit I listed Anti Bronies doing before I think it's obvious what side I'm taking. Even if I'm not as involved in MLP now as I was midway though the 2010's I have no shame in saying that the Anti Bronies were more annoying, if not way more worse than the Bronies! And if your wondering if I would say they are still horrible now, well I'm not two sure. I actually haven't seen them be as bad. Maybe they grew up and realised that they shouldn't be acting this way and just letting people enjoy things. Plus, what I listed is stuff I saw happen years ago. The people who do that stuff probaply regret most of it two. But if Anti Bronies haven't then yes, I would still say that Anti Bronies are cancer!

But yeah, those are my thoughts on My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic now vs then. Looking back not a lot has really changed about my opinions over the years. Will I ever return to doing pony content? Ehh, maybe. It might not be for a long time now since I'm so stuck in my current work that I commission or write. But it would be nice to come back to it if I ever get the chance. The show may be over now but I highly doubt the community is going to ever go away.

This is a saying that I have seen thrown around so, so god dam much online and for the past few years whenever I have seen it fly around the internet I can't help but have to stop what I'm doing, sit still for a while, close my eyes and let out a sigh so loud even God himself would hear it. And with the title of this journal you most likely know what that saying is. "It ruined the franchise! It destroyed my childhood! It isn't fun anymore!" and any other variation of this saying. Why do I hate this saying so much? Well that's actually something I didn't know myself but it still made me boil up inside whenever I saw it said online. After thinking about it for a very long time I finally came to a conclusion as to why this saying and it's variants pisses me off. It is overly dramatic, hyperbolic bullshit said by people who didn't like an instalment in a franchise but rather than just admitting they didn't like it and move on they have to get on there keyboards and ramp it up sometimes with the intention of clicks and making obvious rage bait!

Look, there are instalments I don't like in franchises I other wise love. I didn't like Pokemon Let's Go Pickahu and Eevee compared to the fun I had in the recent Pokemon Sword and Shield, I think Mortal Kombat X is way better than Mortal Kombat 11 and I thought The Rise of Skywalker was a fan service fest that was only made for fan appeasement so that J.J. Abrams didn't have to put up with the same amount of harassment from Star Wars fans who didn't like The Last Jedi that also thought driving Rose Tico's actress of Instagram was justified which actually made me like The Last Jedi more than I already did. I tried to pick out the most recent and relevant examples I could think of. These are instalments in there respective franchises that I'm not going to say I hate, I don't, but have less of a positive opinion on. If you want an example of something I genuinely hate well... Attack of the Clones... Kinda? Maybe it's just because I'm not a very hateful person and have actually grown less hateful towards fictional stories and adventures as I've grown older but I can never bring myself to out right hate something I don't like from a franchise I love. But hey, everyone has different opinions and that's good! That is actually a really good thing. If we all thought the same thing the world would be pretty boring. What I do have a problem with is when people take there hate for something to far! And no, I'm not talking about sending death threats to the creators or people who do like it even thought that it self is a pretty shitty thing to do anyway and I could make a whole journal about that two!

Whenever I hear the "It ruined the franchise" augment I always sarcastically say to myself "Oh, so that means that if I go and watch/play a previous instalment then that won't be good anymore? Dam, I didn't think this recent instalment was THAT bad to have some kind of effect on the enjoyment of the last few ones that came before it! I guess any further ones are also going to be instantly bad now two then right?" Even as a child back in the 2000's when the Star Wars prequels were still going I hated hearing people say "Ugg, they ruined Darth Vader! I'm never going to be able to take Darth Vader seriously anymore after they made him a whiny teenager in this trilogy. Darth Vader is ruined and so is Star Wars." It was fucking dumb then and it's dumb now! A more recent example is, and I'm sorry to bring it up again but considering they don't seem to know what "letting it go" means I have no shame talking about it, the Pokemon Sword and Shield drama! "Ugg, not all Pokemon are going to be used? No Z Moves? No Megas? An upcoming expansion Pass? Awful Game! Pokemon is ruined! Game Freak are such shit developers! Masuda is an awful person and anyone who likes this game is a shrill and apologist!" So you don't like Pokemon Sword and Shield? So you don't like Disney's Star Wars Trilogy? So you don't like anything!?!? That is fine! But I fail to see how they "Ruined the franchise." In fact I actually like the idea of the expansion pass for Sword and Shield because I'd rather spend $30 on two add on's for a game I own rather than pay full price for a third version of the same game with new content that would of worked better as DLC. There is nothing stopping you from going back to the previous instalments in the series if you find yourself disappointed by the newer ones. You can always just go back and watch or play them and maybe even have the same amount of fun you did back then now. Nothing is being taken away from them just because you didn't like the newer sequel. The writing isn't any different, the characters are the same as they once were and the game play is also retained. Write or talk about how much you didn't like newer stuff as much as you want but the moment you start to act entitled like this and say that what you don't like ruined the franchise I stop paying attention.

Perhaps I'm just scared that this mentality of saying something "Ruined the franchise" is practically the norm at this point when expressing dis taste for something and I'm worried that calling out someone being over dramatic or hyperbolic may be considered a "Hot take" and you defending the product even if you yourself don't like it! Perhaps it's also because I and a lot of others are a fan of a game die hard fans of the series it belongs to say "Ruined the Franchsies." For those of you who only just started following me I got into the Fire Emblem series back in 2015 with Fire Emblem Awakening on the 3DS and it was for the longest time one of my favortie exclusives on the system. I loved the gameplay and characters and story and music and I really had to struggle to find things I genuinely hated about the game. However, apparently I wasn't allowed to like Fire Emblem Awakening according to the fan base who said that it was the worst game in the series and that it "Ruined the franchise." And every time I saw these shitty video's and claims I just rolled my eyes, in fact it's actually the earliest example I can think of where I even found myself growing really, really spiteful towards the fan base and refused to even watch anything on Youtube related to Fire Emblem, all because these people blew such a gasget over one game in a franchise when it does nothing to harm the previous games in the series and despite what some fans may tell you other wise DID save the franchise from being cancelled, hell Awakening actually made me want to play the previous games despite how hard it is to get your hands on legitimate copies nowadays, especially Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn as they have never been re released, as well as the oldest games, including the ones that star the series flagship character Marth, only being released in Japan!

I want to end this journal by stressing that if you don't like something then that is fine. You are allowed to dislike it or even hate it if you want. If you prefer the older stuff in the franchise then just go back and play/watch them rather than being a keyboard warrior that had to amp up how much you dislike something to often overly dramatic heights. Instead of saying "Mainline Pokemon games are not good anymore" it's better to just go back to previous games or maybe it's time to look at some of the spin off titles. Instead of saying "DmC ruined Dantae" just admit that you don't like this version of the character and prefer how he's handled in the original series and instead of saying "R.W.B.Y is awful now" it's better to just admit you don't like the direction it's taking after Volume 3. Now if you will excuse me I'm of to go hid in my hole again!

Want to hear something that only some of you that know me really well will of already known? I am a really big fan of Star Wars! Not just the movies but most of the material outside the movies. I say most because a lot of the shit in the Extended Universe such as Palpatine Surviving the end of Return of the Jedi, Sparky the force sensitive droid and Chewbacca getting crushed to death by a god dam moon is really fucking stupid to the point where I'm really glad a lot of it isn't cannon. So yeah, the movies are my main source of enjoyment when it comes Star Wars. As some of you might also know I grew up in the 2000's so the prequels were my Star Wars. I grew up with the prequel films and I was only about three to four years old when The Phantom Menace came out. And I loved these movies. I knew Star Wars existed but never actually saw any of them until around the time Revenge of the Sith was about to come out. I honestly got a lot of enjoyment out of the prequels. Back then I didn't even know that the Prequels were hated so much by the fan base due to how I didn't spend so much time on the internet and when I learnt about it I was actually wanted to watch them again one day to see if I could still enjoy these movies now as an adult as I did when I was a kid with little to know standards who actually thought My Gym Partners a Monkey, Fanboy and Chumchum and post movie Spongbob were good. So after a few years of putting it off and only a month after The Force Awakens came out in cinema I sat down and watched the entire Saga in chronological order starting of course with The Phantom Menace. Do I still love these movies? Spoiler alert, no but it's not for the reason everyone else might give you like "It ruined the franchise" or anything. In fact, even as a kid I'm pretty sure I hated that augment. Of topic for a minuet but the song "George Lucas Raped Our Childhoods", yes that's an actual song, was a stupid song back in 2005 and it's a stupid song in 2019! And yes, if you changed it to "Kathren Kenady Raped Our Childhoods" I'd say the same thing. But enough about how I hate the "Ruined our childhood" augment and onto my thoughts on the movies.

The Phantom Menace

If I'm going to start giving my honest thoughts on these films I might as well start of positive and say that I don't think The Phantom Menace is really that bad. I don't think it's a good movie but I do think it's an entertaining movie. 

There is a lot I do enjoy about this movie. The pod race while I'll admit did go on for a long time and I hated that they just shoehorned in Jabba the Hutt just to connect it to the original trilogy (This isn't the only time in these movies they do that) but for what it is the race is entertaining to watch. I loved the new planets Nabbo and Coruscant, especially the architecture on Nabbo. Actually, those two planets are some of my favourites visually in Star Wars. One criticism that these movies do get a lot of is the shear over kill in the CGI department. And while I do admit I am really not a fan of how fake a lot of this movies locations are not all of it is CGI like some people think. They actually did use some miniature sets and filmed some of it on location. In fact for the parts on Tatooine they actually returned to Tunisia which is where they filmed the original Star Wars which is nice. And of course I loved the fight between Obi Wan and Qui Gon Vs Darth Maul, especially with the background music in this fight. Spoiler alert, this, among a few select others, is the only fight in the trilogy I liked because the rest ranged from silly to even more silly!

I also have to give a lot of credit to the cast because I do like a lot of the actors they brought in. Liam Nelson as Qui Gon, Ewan McGreogor as Obi Wan, Samual L Jackson as Mace Windu, there's a lot of talented actors in this film. I think the real problem with these characters is less the actors and more the writing. And yes, that goes for Jack Loyd as Anakin Skywalker as well. I feel like he was one of the most unfairly hated things in this trilogy. You know how the actress who plays Rose in The Last Jedi was harassed and bullied to the point where she shut down her Instagram account all thanks to some people taking there hatred for the character way to far and not being able to distinguish fiction from reality!? Yeah, imagine that but towards a at the time 10 year old kid! Yes, Star Wars fans were extremely toxic even back in 1999! It destroyed the poor kids life. He was picked on by other kids, harassed and just generally it's hard for me not to feel sorry for him to the point where I actually understand him not wanting to be associated with Star Wars anymore.

That's pretty much everything I liked about the Phantom Menace. And considering we are at the point of talking about the negatives let's start with the one you are probably expecting. Jar Jar Binks! In my honest opinion Jar Jar is one of the worst characters in the entire Star Wars saga! He's annoying, he get's in other characters way, he doesn't have a personality interesting enough to even admit he's a decent character and his speech method is annoying. Like imagine if messa wrote a like this though messa summery of the bomb bad prequels? Do you want to know what the worst part about Jar Jar is though? Despite him being one of the most obnoxious characters in the movie, he's also one of the best at the same time! We learn about where he's from, his people and has at least some depth to him! There's even a really popular fan theory that Jar Jar was originally going to be this Yoda like Sith Lord where he appears as a dumb ass on the surface but is actually this really powerful being similar to how Yoda was introduced in Empire Strikes Back. There's even evidence of this by how Jar Jar sometimes waved his hand in a similar manner to Jedi using there Jedi mind trick to become general and how he mimicked the lip moments of general Panaka before escaping Nabbo. People also point to how Jar Jar fights in a similar way to the Drunken Fist style of Martial Arts but I really don't see how that ties into the theory at all. It's a cool theory I will admit but it doesn't change my opinion on Jar Jar. Or the rest of the "Surprisingly Deep" prequels.

Aside from Jar Jar none of the other characters I find interesting. I can't even tell you about what most of there backstories are because of how little we get to know about them. And yes, I'm aware most of these characters are better in the books or the games but do you really think everyone watching these movies is going to go out and read or play those? I mean by the end of this movie all we knew was that Qui Gon was a Jedi Master, Padme is a queen and Darth Maul is a bad guy who's just there! Yeah, I've had my opinion on Darth Maul bottled up for years now but it's finally time I came out with it, even as a child I never understood why Darth Maul was so popular. I mean, he's good a cool design sure. He's got a cool lightsaber, alright. He....... Only has like four or five lines in the entire movie. But other than that he doesn't really do anything in this movie aside from killing of Qui Gon and then "dying" soon afterwards. I say dying because spoiler alert, he comes back in The Clone Wars and they explain away his survival that he "Held onto his hatred of Obi Wan." Am I the only one who feels like his survival was only for fan service? Because that's what it feels like to me. If I could change anything in this trilogy I'd make it so that Darth Maul is the villain though all the three movies. Make him the Darth Vader or the Kylo Ren of this trilogy. Flesh him out a bit more, give him an actual personality, hell even make us care for him if that could be possible. Work with what we got rather than jumping around villains all the time.

As much as I love the Pod Racing it did feel like it went on for a long time and could be seen as filler. Plus can we just bring up the fact that Anakin Skywalker, who's only a child in this movie, pilots a Starfighter into the Trade Federations command centre and blows it up. Anakin, a child, blows up the main villains base. This child, who has lived as a slave for most of his life and only just got his freedom saves Nabbo by accident! And people say Rey is a Marry Sue. I guess it could be excused since Anakin does race pods but I'm pretty sure a ground based pod racer that hovers above the ground would have an entirely different operating mechanism from something made to be flown into space and designed for combat.

And of course, there's the problem with how this movie and the rest of the trilogy thinks that because it's a prequel to the original Star Wars that means EVERYTHING has to be connected. I always brought up Jabba The Hutt making an appearance at the Pod Race but there's also the fact that R2-D2 is the only surviving droid during the escape from Nabbo or that Anakin Skywalker built C-3PO! I repeat, C-3PO was made by the kid that is going to become Darth Vader! Oh also, Greedo's there! And he's friends with Anakin! Ugg.

Yeah, there's a lot of problems I have with this movie. It's actually kind of sad because I remember this being my favourite out of the prequel films but looking at it now I'm kind of not really that big on it. Honestly though, it does have stuff I really like such as that race and the final duel. I don't actually have an opinion on the Midiclorions thing but I know that if I don't bring that up in this review I'll never hear the end of it. So no, I don't think The Phanom Menace is the worst Star Wars movie. I say that because the next movie in this trilogy is!

Attack of the Clones

In my honest opinion I think Attack of the Clones is not just the worst movie in the prequel trilogy but the worst Star Wars movie period! And if your expecting me to start of with the positives I hate to break it to you, I only like Count Dooku's Lightsaber. That's it! Something that doesn't even have that big of an impact on the movie is my favourite thing in this film. Okay well, there is also the music in not just this movie but the whole trilogy. I love this sound track! And I know that George Lucas loves this soundtrack to because they reuse Duel of the Fates both here and in Revenge of the Sith and the moment they use the song in this movie isn't even for something epic, it's just used for Anakin riding a speeder bike.

... Oh right, Anakin. Now I actually didn't mind Anakin when he was a child in Phantom Menace. Sure, he was a bit stupid but he was actually tolerable. Grown up Anakin in Attack of the Clones though, no. And yes, my reason for hating Anakin IS because of how much he whines and whines and whines! Obi Wan tries to keep Anakin in line? Whines. Just buried his mother? Wines about Obi Wan who has nothing to do with it. Want's McDonalds but Obi Wan say's no because they have food at home? Okay that doesn't actually happen but would you really be surprised if it did and Anakin whined about it? And it doesn't help that the romance between him and Padme is one of the worst romances I've seen! Yeah, we all know about the whole "I don't like sand" line that's been a meme for several years now but neither him or Padme seem to have any chemistry between them, only really awkward and bad dialogue. Plus, if I heard that the person I loved had just killed a bunch of women and children I would run straight out of the room!

Actually, I probably should elaborate on that a little because I feel like it was a really big missed opportunity. Anakin returns to Tatooine because he keeps having dreams about his mother in danger and hopes to save her before anything bad can happen. Unlucky for him she dies as soon as he finds her beaten and bruised to death tied up at a Tusckan Raider camp. And seeing as how he just saw his own mother die Anakin is of course pissed and goes on a hate filled killing spree of the entire camp. I should like this scene because it is actually a really great way to show just how unhinged Anakin is considering he's going to become Darth Vader but all we get is five seconds of the start of it before cutting to a different scene!

But that's just one character, what about the rest. Well, they aren't any better. Now I love Christoper Lee! I think he has some really great roles under his belt. But Count Dooku is honestly one of his weaker character. Not for his acting, that doesn't have anything to do with it but rather just how his character is just there. He's just being a villain and that's it. At least he actually has dialogue unlike Darth Maul. And Jango Fett isn't a much better henchmen either, in fact I'd even go as far as to say Jango is worse than his son Boba in the original trilogy because at least Boba did something with delivering Han Solo to Jabba the Hutt. Jango just kills one un-important Jedi and then pop goes his head! Oh sure, his DNA was used for the clone army which would eventually turn on the Jedi and Jango knew this and wanted it because of how much he hated the Jedi. And by the way, that detail about him hating the Jedi isn't even explained in the movie! That's another example of shit being explained outside the film! And speaking of the Clones remember in A New Hope how the Clone Wars was brought up? You had no idea what it was, your mind wandered, what was it like? Is this what you were thinking? A movie with there name in it where they don't even show up until the last 30 mins of the movie for a big battle scene that isn't fun to watch for more than once?

And that segways into the action of this movie. Oh boy, the action. You want to know how silly this movie can be with it's stunts and action? One of the first action scenes in this movie is Obi Wan jumping out of a glass window grabbing onto a droid the size of a base ball and holding on for a very long time without slipping off only for the droid to be shot causing him to fall into Anakins speeder! And then soon after wards Anakin jumps out and lands on another speeder and holds on incredibly tight without letting go! The next one is a little more reasonable being a fight between Obi Wan and Jango. Obi Wan actually drops his lightsaber and Jango loses his jetpack and pistols meaning both have to resort to using there own fists in what's honestly not that bad of a scene. It's even more intense with Boba piloting the Slave one using the ships lasers to help out his dad. The whole droid factory scene with Anakin and Padme was pretty silly though and felt way to goofy with some of the CGI. I actually don't have an opinion on the whole thousand jedi vs battle droids thing, I thinks it's just average at best aside from C-3PO's head and a Battle Doirds head being swaped around leading to some really silly moments but I know that if I don't also bring THAT in this review then I'll never hear the end of it either.

Then we get to the climax of the movie with Obi Wan and Anakin vs Dooku. Now the the start of this fight actually has a bit of promise. It's not over the top for the most part and both Obi Wan and Anakin get taken out at different points. And then Yoda shows up and ruins it all. I don't like seeing Yoda fight. With all do respect, this is goofy and stupid to look at! I would of been fine if it was just Yoda using the force to help him out here but no, he pulls out a lightsaber and starts flipping about the place like a kid who just drank caffeine for the first time on a trampoline! I genuinely question how Christoper Lee felt when filming this and swinging his lightsaber at nothing or how he even kept a straight face while filming!

Is it obvious at this point that I really don't like Attack of the Clones? I guess if there is one other thing I do actually like it's the planet Kamino. I honestly love the contrast of what it looks like on the outside with the dark stormy weather compared with the inside being all clean and fancy but that's about it. And before I forget before leaving for Naboo Padme makes Jar Jar Binks her representative on the galactic senate while shes away and you know what he does? He gives emergency power to Supreme Chanceler Palpatine who spoiler alert is The Emperor who then issues the clones to attack Genonosis starting the Clone Wars and basically meaning that Jar Jar is the sole reason for the events leading up to and during the original trilogy. Let that sink in for a moment!

Revenge of the Sith

Finally, we are at the last movie in this trilogy, Revenge of the Sith. People considering Revenge of the Sith to be the best movie out of the prequels and some even say it's there favourite Star Wars movie. And it's easy to see why because I do think this is the best of the trilogy. And honestly I find myself putting this movie in between Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones when it comes to personal enjoyment.

I love the opening to this movie with the battle over Coruscant! It doesn't waste any time and get's straight to a big battle going on up in Space and I love the shots of the planet that we get and once Anakin and Obi Wan get into General Grievous's command ship (Oh yeah before I forget they introduced ANOTHER fucking villain!) and they have there rematch with Count Dooku it's pretty good. Sure, Obi Wan get's taken out again like in Attack of the Clones but it's not a silly fight like it was before. Plus the ending of this movie seeing Anakin's transformation into Darth Vader and baby Luke being given to Owan and Beru was a really bittersweet moment to end the movie on because for the longest time this was the final Star Wars movie. And of course, I can't talk about my favourite moments in this movie with out bringing up the Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise. And it isn't for the memes either, the actual scene is really good just on it's own. Not only does it cause Anakin's faith in the Jedi to faulter with how this dark lord was able to use the force to create and save life but it adds a lot of mystery to the lore. The way Palpatine tells the story implies that he was there and may of even been Plagueis apprentice who killed him but they never directly say it leaving it up to you to wounder if he really was there or if he just knows about it..... And then they ruin that mystery by releasing a book that pretty much spells out to you that Palpatine was Plaguei's apprentice. Have I mentioned yet that I'm really not a fan of the Legends Continuity?

Also, I have to give massive credit to Ian Mcdirmid for his role thought all of the prequels as Palpatine. He honestly puts in one of the best performances out of all the cast, second is Ewan McGregor as Obi Wan. I can't really describe it though text but just watch the movie and you would understand what I mean. Also, Jar Jar doesn't have a speaking role in the entire movie! Oh happy days! One criticisms I honestly struggle to understand with this movie is the whole "Anakin turns to the dark side to quickly." I hear this complaint so much and every time I do I always assume that they just skip to the point where Anakin does turn without looking at the context as to why. Anakin has been tempted and tugged towards the dark side thought the prequles and the moment that made him turn fully was when he helped to kill a jedi master. If I had to chose between the Jedi who are a bunch of child kidnapping extremists and a dark order that manipulates and corrupts other right after I killed a member of the former I'd chose the one that at least promises to save my wife! It doesn't change my opinion on the Anakin and Padme romance but still.

That's pretty much everything I like about this movie. Yeah, as much as this movie has the reputation that it's the best prequel film it's not a perfect movie and my opinion on the quality is that, to qoute Thanos because this sure as hell won't get old any time soon "Perfectly balanced, as all things should be." When it comes to things people love about this movie the most common thing I hear is the Order 66 scene in which the moment in the Star Wars cannon that the clones turn on there Jedi Masters. And I will admit, it is a pretty dramatic scene... That would honestly be better if we actually knew anything about the Jedi that were being slaughter in this montage. Oh sure, I know who they are NOW but imagine a casual fan or someone who only watches the movies watching this for the first time back in 2005. They would be so confused as to why they played this dramatic music over the deaths of character that no one would know anything about. Don't get me wrong, the idea of Order 66 is an interesting one just executed poorly and while I give credit to Geroge Lucas for not shying away from the fact that the total massacre of an order that takes children under it's care who would also get caught in the massacre just like in real life, children are incredibly easy to beat and are not a challenge at all.

And this movie has yet ANOTHER villain in it! Technically two because of Palpatine but I'm mainly talking about General Grievous. Now Grievous is a bit of a special case because there actually was some build up to him.... Outside the movies! Yeah, he was prominent in the animated micro series Clone Wars and this isn't the same Clone Wars that had five seasons plus one on Netflix that I'm sure all of you are familiar with that again, not everyone who watches these movies will watch any non movie material yet his not even given a proper introduction almost as if you were expected to watch Clone Wars before Revenge of the Sith. Suddenly I'm getting Kingdom Hearts flashbacks of how you can't just play 1,2 and 3, you HAVE to play everything in the series. That's an even more ironic statement considering Star Wars is owned by Disney now. Not to mention, he's killed half way thought the movie as well. What was wrong with Count Dooku, other than the face that he was an under developed villain, that he had to be replaced with a new one? Why not keep Dooku and maybe even give him some depth. I really did mean what I said before about keeping only one villain for the whole trilogy because if it was then maybe we would get a more interesting villain. Not keeping things consistent doesn't always mean it's going to be good.

Speaking of things that are not consistent that brings me to the lightsaber duels. I already talk about the Dooku fight but then we get to the Obi Wan and Grievous fight. There are match up's where I really have to think hard about who would win taking into consideration there move set and powers. But then there's fights like this that make that job REALLY easy! Do I even need to point out how easily Grievous could floor this fight with his four arms and four lightsabers agents Obi Wan and his one lightsaber? The only other fight in this movie that I think is solid aside from the Anakin vs Dooku one is Mace Window, yes I'm purposefully saying window for a reason that would make seance if you watch the film, vs Palpatine. Other than the silly spin that he does at the start the fight is short but good. Which is more than I can say for when Palpatine fights Yoda. You know how I feel about seeing Yoda fight so think about how much worse this is with both combatants flipping about! I roll my eyes every time I hear Yoda say "Not if anything to say about it I have." And what's worse is that he's saying that in his backwards speech two! Lastly the Obi Wan vs Anakin right is a balance between both good and silly for me because the first half of the fight is grounded and fine. Nothing to silly, it's just fine. Then it goes to them swinging on ropes and surfing on top of lava, it's just silly. I'm really torn with how I feel about the action in this movie because on one hand I love half of the duels in this fight but on the other hand that's just it, I only like half of them.

Lastly I want to talk about some of the plot inconsistency. First of, Yoda knows Chewbacca! *Bangs my head agents the wall.* Okay, fine, whatever! I've said it before, not everything needs to be connected! But there's one thing I've never gotten until recently. Why doesn't C-3PO remember any of this? I've always questioned this until recently when I remembered a line that was dropped at the end of the film. Someone just say's to "Wipe the droids memory." Yep, they explain away C-3PO not remembering any of this by having him wipe his memory. Plot convenience! There is one other thing I have also never gotten either and that's that in Return of the Jedi Leia say's that she "Remembers her mother and that she was very beautiful." But Padme died right after she and Luke were born so how could she remember? And she wasn't remembering her adopted mother either. Maybe she tapped into the force or something? Maybe she has some photos lying around or something? Or maybe Geroge Lucas just fucked up and in all the attempts to connect the two trilogies he forgot about this little detail.

Welp, that's it! I just gave you my honest thoughts about the Prequel Trilogy. Looking back on these films now that I'm almost 23 I actually forget what it was about them that made me love them as a child. Maybe it was the flashy visuals, the soundtrack, the fact that it was Star Wars, who knows. These films use to be pretty high up on my ranking of Star Wars movies but now they are pretty low. And if your really curious then my personal ranking goes like this.

1. Empire Strikes Back

2. A New Hope

3. The Force Awakens

4. Return of the Jedi

5. The Last Jedi

6. Solo

7. The Phantom Menace

8. Revenge of the Sith

9. Rouge One

10. Attack of the Clones

I'm still glad that I got to look back at these films because despite how they really are products of there time I do still have some nostalgia towards these flims. Again, I grew up with these movies so that's expected. Needless to say unless I'm doing a marathon it's going to be a while before I watch these films again.

So this is going to be a bit of a strange topic to discuss but I want to share with everyone a really bizarre dream I had not just because it was bizarre but also because I actually have some strong feeling related to it that I wanted to share.

So it's no surprise at this point that I am a huge fan of the Shantae series. I have been with this series since Pirates Curse and it has managed to become one of my Top 10 favourite gaming franchises and I'd be lying if I said my reason for buying the game Runbow and wanting to get Blaster Master Zero isn't because of how Shantae is a guest character in those games. However another series that I also enjoy is Mortal Kombat. For what it is I honestly get a lot of enjoyment from the series. Less because of the violent and full on finishing moves but more because of how fun they are. And given how I brought up those two franchises I think you can guess what my dream was about. Shantae guest staring in Mortal Kombat. Let me repeat that, Shantae... In Mortal Kombat. Shantae, a happy, cute and colourful half genie belly dancer in Mortal Kombat, a franchise where most of the cast consists of a literal ghost from hell, a special forces agent who is way to focused on her job, a shape shifting sorcerer that steals peoples souls, a blood thirsty monster with sharp teeth and blades coming out of his arms, an actual insect girl that can release flesh eating insects into people all the while heads are literally being ripped off and bodies being dismembered!

TL;DR, this wasn't a dream I was two happy to have had because the idea is so bad even both Matt Bozan and Ed Boon would be collectively going "WHAT?!?!" together. Long answer for people who actually want to know what my full thoughts on this is...

So I'm all for unexpected guest characters in games. I mean the last Mortal Kombat game gave us an actual Xenomorthp from the Alien franchise, a guest character I did not expect at all! And the dream I had of Shantae suddenly showing up to a Mortal Kombat fight was very unexpected. But not in a way that I liked. How my dream played out was more like the DLC Character Trailers for Injustice 2 and Mortal Kombat 11 where it starts with the character introduction then the rest of the video consists of showing off there move set. That was pretty much all my dream was though. I don't remember who Shantae faced or even see a Fatality which I am honestly glad for since I don't think I could take the mental image of Shantae tearing off someone's flesh. When I woke up that morning from that dream I tried to think of several reasons why I didn't like that dream but then I remembered "Oh yeah, I was dreaming about Shantae in Mortal Kombat." And yeah this is coming from a guy who enjoy's playing as Bayonetta in Smash Bro's and was kind of hoping Jeanne got added in Ultimate as an Echo Fighter. I can't really excuse that.

But back onto the "Shantae in Mortal Kombat doesn't work" thing that's the whole point of me making this journal. Like I said it just doesn't work for me and the fact that I had such an active dream about it makes me feel un easy. To put it simply I do not like putting cute or colourful characters in gruesome or messed up scenarios. And given what kind of game Mortal Kombat is you can understand why I felt so guilty about having this dream. This is why I have never liked Creepy Pastas that turn character such as Sonic the Hedgehog or Pinkie Pie from Friendship is Magic into murderess psychopaths because even if they are just fan created stories it's hard for me to buy them doing something as fucked up as they do in Sonic.exe or Cupcakes when I know those characters so well. Stuff like Ben Drowned I'm actually fine with since it doesn't turn any of the characters in the Zelda Universe into psycho's since it's more of an actual horror story than just "Look, here's an otherwise harmless and lovable character doing messed up and sicking stuff." It's the same reason I never enjoy fan games like Mario and the Music Box which as you can guess is a horror game staring Mario and Luigi and if you actually play the game you will know what I mean when I say "Out of place." Apparently there's even a Shantae Creepy Pasta simply called Lamp.exe but honestly given my bad experience with creepy pastas in the past, especially the .exe one's, I don't really think it would be something that I would enjoy.

You might be reading this and thinking to yourself that I'm a squeamish person and while I won't act like there isn't stuff that doesn't disturb me even at the age of 22 it would have to be something truly messed up to be able to do that. When I was a kid my parents let me play a lot of games that had blood in them like the classic Devil May Cry and Grand Theft Auto: Vice City so any sort of violence that happens in video games I'm use to, even in the aforementioned Mortal Kombat since it is a game that does have a reputation for it's Fatalities. But here's the thing, with Mortal Kombat and many other violent games out there the setting and charterers don't contradict each other in any way. You can have Mellinea dressed in the most revealing outfit she has face of agents Johney Cage while he's in a Tuxedo on a Stage that is set in an underground subway with a somewhat dark and gritty art style and it would still feel like it works. In contrast having a character like Shantae in a setting like this all the while no one else is questioning why a bright and happy girl like her is partaking in a fight to the death just doesn't gel well with me. To give you a compassion I want to take a look at another fighting game that does guest characters, Soul Caliber. While not every guest that has appeared in this series fits that well, hello Yoda and Darth Vader, characters like Ezio from Assassin's Creed in SC V and Link in the Gamecube version of SC 2 actually do fit in those game. They don't feel out of place in these games and they could even be genuine characters in those games if they were not guests. Link is mainly a sword fighter and comes from a fantasy setting not to different from SC. Ezio's a bit harder to justify since Assassin's Creed is somewhat based in reality but it's more his design that I think works with the setting. And while in Mortal Kombat there are characters like Jade and Kitana who dress in similar sort of outfits to Shantae I'm not someone who see's Shantae as being fit for an overly violent game like this. And yeah some of the ways Shantae can die in her games involve some pretty brutal stuff when you think about it like falling into Lava or spikes, getting shot, crushed, drown in quicksand, shot with arrows, drown in water before Risky Revenge allowed her to swim, digested by slime and get eaten by a giant worm who's only slightly smaller than the World Serpent from God of War but in none of those scenarios do you ever see her screaming in pain as her flesh is burnt or gasping for air as she drowns or is covered in blood or crying for help as she slowly dies while Risky Boots plunges her sword though her. I'm actually terrified to look up if art like that actually exists because knowing the internet it probably does.

I hope this at least gives people an understanding about my thoughts on this kind of subject and why I feel so strongly about it. I'm not saying that it's not an idea that couldn't work but it would be pretty fucking difficult to do so. As a random side not to end this on kind of ironic that I had this dream a day before the Shang Tsung trailer for MK11 was revealed.