So, there was a post I saw on Twitter last night that was poking fun of some of the sillier complaints people have about Disney Star Wars and the post contained screenshots of posts from Ticktok complaining about how certain factions, the Empire in particular, had been depicted in Star Wars media recently and these shots contained a bunch of fickle arguments such as “where is the war in Star Wars” as if people don’t understand that war isn’t all just big explosions and screaming “FOR QUEEN AND COUNTRY” at the top of your lungs. You know, it was the stereotypical “Disney Star Wars bad” kinda stuff you’d expect to see at this point. However, there were two particular screen shots in this post that bothered me the most. This shot from opening of The Force Awakens where the First Order assaults the village on Jakku which ends with them all being executed, and another shot from one of the recent episodes of The Bad Batch showing that the Empire has started experimenting on kids with that same episode also showing Cad Bane kidnapping a literal baby.

And these complaints, they got to me. Like they actually got to me and not in a good way. Because ignoring the fact that the sequel trilogy actively goes out of it’s way to show the audience that the First Order is A LOT more brutal than the Empire anyway and this opening assault is a great way of showing that and this wasn’t even the first time in cannon that Cad Bane had kidnaped children, they were acting like the Empire being as evil as it is is a new thing. No it is not! This is the same group of people who killed Luke’s aunt and uncle, blew up an entire planet, tortured Princess Leia for information and would of killed her two if Luke, Han and Chewbacca didn’t show up to save her, Darth Vader killed some of his own men just because they fucked up at their job, blackmailed Lando into luring our heroes into a trap and set up a shield generator on a planet they likely didn’t ask the consent of the local Ewoks beforehand. And let’s not forget the Galactic Empire is also being led by a man who manipulated his best solider from childhood, planned a mass genocide on a group of what’s basically Space Samurai wizards and any Jedi that DID survive often ended up working for this new regime to basically hunt down and kill any Jedi who survived Order 66 and let’s not forget Palpatine basically lied his way into power. The Empire experimenting on children in The Bad Batch is no different from how they acted in the past BEFORE Disney brought the rights to this franchise!

However, this post of the Star Wars fanbase just being the Star Wars fanbase also highlights a bigger issue that extends to all works of fiction. Apparently, we can’t have villains in fiction who are irredeemable assholes that do some really horrible shit anymore. And I really have to wonder, do you people NOT know some of the really horrible shit villains have done in fiction over the years. Do you also know that some of them also have no real motivation to do half the shit they do other than “just cause” or because of “insanity?” This really isn’t a new thing or anything!

Don’t believe me? How about we bring up Green Goblin from the first Sam Rami Spider-Man film? This is a villain who literally becomes a villain though a science experiment gone wrong leading to him going insane and he actively takes joy in the horrible stuff he does. Does he have a reason to continue doing evil shit after killing off the Oscorp executives who screw him over at one point? No. Is he still a joy to watch on screen? Yes!

Or how about Risky Boots from the Shantae series. Does she have any deep or personal or sympathetic reason as to why she does half the shit she does in this series, including kidnapping Shantae’s Uncle, stealing her genie magic out of her, inverting Shantae’s Genie Magic to turn her evil or helping the Empress Siren just for the sake of a ship? As far as we know, no! She just really likes being a pirate and stealing shit save for the one time in the series she had no choice but to work with Shantae to stop the Pirate Master. And that’s fine! Because she’s still an incredibly entertaining villain.

Or what about Bowser from the Super Mario franchise. Does he have any detailed reasons as to why he constantly goes after Princess Peach? No! And yes, there is the Super Mario Bros Movie where he wants to marry Peach but that’s a different cannon altogether anyway.

And what about Commander Tartar from Splatoon 2 Octo Expansion who wanted to commit mass genocide on the entire Inkling and Octoling race just because he wasn’t happy with how they had become the new dominant species on earth and wanted to replace them with a new race?

“But Bellmo, we need our villains to be sympathetic otherwise what’s the point of half the stuff they do.” No no no. You can NOT just sit here and tell me making a villain Sympathetic instantly makes that character likable or justifys half the shit they do. Because even the ones who are do some pretty horrible stuff.

Don’t believe me still? How about Magneto in the X-Men movies? Now one look at this guy and you might think that he has a noble goal. He wants mutants to be respected and the X-Men universe mutants are seen as freaks or monsters. Well guess what, Magneto does some pretty awful shit in these films just for that goal. In the original X-Men he was more than willing to sacrifice Rouge, who casual reminder is ALSO a mutant, just to turn a bunch of people into Mutants despite the fact that we see before this point that it does NOT end well if a normal person get’s forcibly turned into a Mutant. X-2 despite helping to stop a plot to wipe out all mutant on the earth he then ends up turning that plan on its head and try’s to have all non mutants wiped out instead. Last Stand he rally’s a bunch of mutants to his side because of a recent “cure” for mutations and his plan is to literally go to the source of the cure, who is a literal child, and probably kill him two. And that’s not even counting some of the stuff he does in the First-Class saga such as being more than willing to blow up American and Russian boats with mislles, thinking the best way to stop the apocalyptic future we see in Day’s of Future Past is to kill Mystic because her actions in the 70’s lead to what happened and willingly working for Apocalypse because he has nothing left anymore. Yeah, I don’t care how much of an activist for mutant rights Magneto is, if I was a mutant I’d be going straight to the school run by the telepath in a wheelchair. Which is ironic for me to say considering Magneto is arguably one of the best parts of these movies. He’s incredibly well acted and his dialogue with other characters is great to listen two.

“But Gannondorf is a sympathetic villain in Zelda Wind Waker. He had good reason for doing what he did.” Yeah, a sympathetic villain who lied his way into the Hylian Royal family and plunged Hyrule and the Sacred Realm into chaos. And that’s just in the Adult Timeline. Don’t even get me started on how he basically used Zant to try and take over Hyrule again in the Child Timeline or how he actually kills OOT Link in the Downfall timeline.

Look, the point I’m trying to get across with all this rambling is that I don’t get why villains acting like villains is such a shocking thing to people nowadays. What, are we going to complain about Heroes being Heroes next? Villains doing villainous shit isn’t a brand new thing nor do they all have to be sympathy to justify the shit they do either. But then again, we live in an age where media literacy is deader than my hopes for that Sands of Time remake to be finished. I know I said this already a while ago but I swear to God, I will NEVER forgive what a lot of overly critical Youtubers from the 2010’s into now have done to an entire generations ability to consume media.

The title of this journal isn’t a joke. I have seriously started to lose my passion that I once had for writing.

I’m sure by now a lot of you have noticed I haven’t been writing any stories of any kind. Or at least anything substantial. You could say that those two stories I have shared about those really awkward plays I saw as a child or the only time I’ve ever actually gotten to play on a real Gamecube while in hospital count as stories but those are more just me retelling events form my past that have stuck with me. And there’s a good reason I haven’t been writing a lot. I’ve HAVE tried to write proper stories. About my OC’s, about fictional characters I like, but I always never get very far into it and sometimes just stop entirely or get distracted by other things I have more fun doing. And there’s a good reason for THAT two. I just haven’t been enjoying writing as much. It’s one of those things I have slowly been coming to terms with a lot recently. In fact the only long form things I’ve even managed to get written up the past few months have both been satirical and if you couldn’t tell from how I wrote those, my way of venting about how modern critics are obsessed with hyperbole and being overly angry and also poking fun at that “Nintendo has FORGOTTEN about Super Mario” video because nothing say’s Nintendo has “””forgotten””” a property like releasing so many games in that franchise in the Switches now almost 7 year life cycle.

To give you an idea of just how bad this has been, the last story about one of my OC’s I wrote was back in April of last year. It was a parody of the Peaches song from the Super Mario Bros movie but sung from the perspective of my girl Mikaela and she was singing about Nessa from Pokemon Sword and Shield as I do have the two in a relationship and loved that part from the film. And before that the last proper full story I wrote was in September of 2022 of Tom Nook from Animal Crossing finally being fed up with some people not paying off their loans at all and taking action tasking my sona Michael with collecting the debt from one of those residents who originally started as a joke OC I made for an April Fools day joke. That’s a pretty big gap to have as someone who is a writer which is actually why I originally tried experimenting with Micro Stories at first since they were only about like two or three paragraphs long and didn’t take much effort out of me. But even those I started to fall out of wanting to do.

So why have I stopped having a passion for something I use to love doing ever since I first started on DA? Well, it’s not for one single reason but actually a couple.

1; I’ve started to find it boring! No matter what I want to write, no matter how much I love the idea and no matter how much free time I end up getting so that I can do a lot of writing, usually about like 5 or 10 mins in I get board of writing and more often than not I end up thinking to myself “I would honestly rather be playing video games or watching a show I’ve been meaning to watch.” Plus, I can only write “this character said this” or describe what someone looks like or is wearing so much before I get bored.

2; Written work is something I’ve always struggled with anyway. I grew up on TV and video games and very little written stuff which might sound ironic coming from me but it’s true. I once tried reading one of the Harry Potter books as a child and I got one chapter in before thinking to myself “I’d honestly rather be watching the movie that’s based off this book.” Hell, I even tried reading the in game books in Skyrim but when I did I would always go “I’m spending my time in this game doing THIS instead of going on an epic and exciting quest?” The only time as a child I’ve ever read a book all the way though that wasn’t one of those ones that only had like two short paragraphs on each page and was like 15 pages long was in 2009 when a friend let me read an old Choose Your Own Adventure styled Super Mario book but that only because it was on a school trip, we were on a long train ride that took several hours and we weren’t allowed to bring our handheld games systems with us so there was practically nothing else to do. It’s a problem I have been trying to fix for many years and sometimes I do read stories on DA when I get the chance, but written works just always been something I’ve struggled with even as a child.

I mentioned before that this is an issue that my passion for this has been dwindling for a while and I’ve tried to find ways to get around this. At first it was writing little short stories to attach to my pics. I was mainly inspired to do this by the likes of other’s like IncredibleIntruder who like me is into hypnosis and especially belly dancing but also puts little short stories in the descriptions of the stuff he commissions and uploads to his page and still continues to do so to this day. I HAD experimented with this kind of stuff before coming across there content but it wasn't until I started seeing some of there commissions I really started to take my stories for my pics seriously. And I’d continue to do this for a lot of my commissions as well. Even if it was a pic the artist didn’t give me permission to upload like with that Symbiote Shantae and Rottytops pic I’d still write a story for it! And eventually, I just only wrote up a short synopsis of what happened in leading up to what we see in a pic in its description because I wasn’t having any fun with these stories anymore. Which again, sucks that I feel that way because I do think about this stuff a lot. Especially the pics based around my self insert sona, something I’m extremely proud to have created, because the whole reason that exists was born of decades of me having a hyper active imagination and always imagining myself actually in the worlds of the games I play, especially ones that let you play as customized characters such as Wii Sports Resort or Mario Kart Wii, and making up my own little Kingdom Hearts styled crossover universe but wasn’t just relegated to stuff belonging to a single property… And also the lore not being a headache to get used to.

For example, the pic of my sona becoming an Ankha Drone I had this whole story planned out while it was getting worked on of them walking into Ankha suddenly in their home on their island with two other Ankha Drones and would be the ones converting my sona into one of them. Then there’s the one of them in the coils of Naga Shantae which would have been right after an encounter with Risky Boots and both my sona and Shantae being very exhausted and Shantae offering some nice and snug coil hugs until we were both ready to head home. And the Techno Drone pic where the story would of involved them knowing about SuperTechno (the artist of that pic who’s sona turns characters into fembots) hypnotizing ladies into being his Fembots while still extending it to males, not being aware of the fact that many of the Fembots in Techno’s army were kidnapped, asking if he could allow himself to be a drone with one of the main reasons he wants this and allows himself to be hypnotized a fair bit is because of not having the best mental state, something I obviously am implying I sometimes have and this was my way of projecting onto them. Similarly, the Ashour Drone pic I got of my sona was going to have a story of them finding Shantae as an Ashour Drone and confused on why she’s the way she is which leads him back to Ammer (again, artist of that pic and who’s sona is a freelance hypnotist hypnotising willing people into being his Ashour Drones) and after looking into him and his drones a bit more offering to be one of his Ashour Drones for a similar reason to the Techno Drone one. Even my most recent pic of my Genie AU sona with Urbosa I tried to write a whole story of her originally finding the lamp and the two of them exchanging some dialogue before using hypnosis on her to influence her wish for a massage.

And yes, this applies to Mikaela pics as well. The collab I got with Violet Scales featuring both our OC’s I wanted to write a story of Mikaela stumbling upon a snake basket housing Jermisha during one of Mikaela’s erotic photoshoots as an explanation as to why she was already dressed in bedlah to begin with. The pic of Naga Mikaela mummified I wanted to write a story of her trying to surprise attack Eliza from Skullgirls to potentially add to her harem but backfiring and resulting in Naga Mikaela mummified by Eliza and coupled with some taunting from the 1000 year old Egyptian Vampire followed by her telling the Naga that she’s going to make a great display peace for her place. Even the pic of Naga Mikaela with Sharah I considered writing a story about her finding Sharah’s ring and putting it on not knowing that there was a cute genie girl inside and that’s how they met.

Hell, even writing this I struggled with doing and the only reason I pushed though was because it felt wrong to not have any new full-length stories without giving an explanation on why. Now at this point I’m sure a lot of you would be saying “Oh there’s an easy solution for this. Just use something like ChatBotGT or some other AI program to do the stories for you! Does all the work and gives you more time to do other things.” But I hope you NEVER fucking said that because telling me to use a style of generative content, which is notorious for being built of stealing other people’s work and passing it off as something ‘original’ just to get over my own lost desire to write is fucking stupid! Honestly, I think the better and more healthy option for me is to just stick with what I’ve been doing for the last few pics. Short descriptions and a brief summery that still add’s lore to my characters if needed. That might disappoint a lot of you who followed me solely for the writing but let me ask you this. What do you think is more important? Me forcing myself to slog though writing a story I’m not having fun writing and even if I do finish it my reaction will be more of a “thank God that’s over” reaction than any sort of positive one or doing shorter stuff that doesn’t take as much time to do and I know most people probably don’t even read anyway (sadly) so I can focus on what I enjoy more?

In fairness I knew this would happen eventually, because how many stories have you heard of creators who have lost their drive and motivation for what they enjoy doing? Need an example? How about Hideo Kojima who didn’t even want to work on Metal Gear Solid 4 originally because he just didn’t have the same passion for this franchise as he did once and the only reason he even agreed to work on 4 in the end was because of all the death threats he got from fans? Or how we almost got a new Jak and Daxter game in between the release of Uncharted 2 and The Last of Us but it ended up being cancelled because no one at Naughty Dog felt any motivation to make a new Jak game and they literally went “Are we really doing this because we want to or because of marketing reasons?” Or how about Geroge Lucas having to put up with so much hate and harassment from Star Wars fans though out the 2000’s just because of how he was telling the story that he created to the point where it just wasn’t fun for him anymore and gladly sold the franchise to Disney when offered without a second thought. (And before any revisionist historians try to comment “umm, no actually! That’s not it! Your just being a Disney apologist!” Clearly you don’t remember what George Lucas said in an interview one time before months before the Disney buy out. “Why would I make any more, when everybody yells at you all the time and says what a horrible person you are” anyone?)

So yeah, I’m sorry if this is sad news to anyone. But because I lack the passion I once had you really shouldn’t expect any new long stories for a good long while.

Hi.

If you’re reading this then that means you have shown interest in becoming a critic! Are you tired of reviews that are purely based on the writers’ opinions and back their views up with “logic?” Do you hate seeing people have fun with a game or movie you otherwise don’t enjoy? Do you just like ruining other people’s fun in general? Then by reading this well detailed guide in a few minutes you two will become a skilled and competent critic able to review and criticise anything on the face of the earth. All you need to do is follow these easy steps and soon you will be on your way to becoming a super smart and super famous critic.

Step 1: You can’t like ANYTHING!

The first step to being a critic nowadays is that you can not like a single thing. EVER! You MUST hate everything! You can’t show any positivity towards anything that releases nowadays even if that thing ends up being good anyway. When everyone else is enjoying themselves with the newest Sonic game that just released, it’s up to you to rise up and complain that Sonic was never good and that he should of stayed in the 90’s where he belongs! Oh and also throw in some random line about how Sonic had a rough transition to 3D and how he doesn’t work in 3D.

This is because every bit of entertainment that releases nowadays isn’t good anyway and we need to remind people of that! Things were so much better in the 80’s where games were much shorter and had way more bullshit in them to make you keep playing. “But what if I play or watch something new that comes out nowadays and I do end up liking it?” Oh, that’s easy, just don’t talk about it! After all, you need to keep up appearances. And don’t bother talking about indie projects either, they aren’t worth your time. “But my friend told me Ultrakill is a really fun arena shooter with a lot of content that makes it worth playing as well as super satisfying gameplay and that it’s well worth the…” IT’S NOT WORTH YOUR TIME!

Step 2: Learn what the term “Hyperbole” means and use it. CONSTALLY!

Okay, this is one of the most important steps you gotta learn people. Hyperbole is your friend! If you’re not being hyperbolic in your reviews then your not doing your job! You can’t just say stuff like “Ehh, this wasn’t for me/I didn’t really like this as much as I wish I did/maybe I’ll like the next one more.” NO! You GOTTA ramp it up! Exaggerate to high Hell and back! Say stuff like “WORST MOVIE/GAME EVER! THIS MOVIE/GAME IS A COMPLEATE FAILURE! IT RUINED THE FRANCHSIE! IT’S TARNASHING THE LEGACY OF THIS FRANCHSIE! IT KILLED MY CHILDHOOD! IT TOOK ME TO BRAZIL TO RAPE ME AND THEN DOXXED MY HOME ADRESSE AND SAID IT WAS GOING TO DO THE SAME TO MY FAMILY!” Does this seem a little extreme to say about something you don’t like? No, not at all! It’s completely justified, and you’ll be taken more seriously as long as you remember to use hyperbole as much as you can!

Step 3: Everything is woke now! And that’s bad!

So, you may be reading this and wondering to yourself “What is woke?” Well in case you really have been living under a rock allow me to define it in simple terms! It’s when creators shove some kind of politics down our throat that we never asked for! A person of colour being in a film? That’s woke! A female character being a badass? That’s also woke! Two characters of the same sex being in a relationship? That’s also just as woke! This is woke! That is woke! EVERYTHING is woke! EVERYTHING is political and you have to point it out even if it seems like there’s no real political motivation to the stuff you’re pointing out! If someone says your stretching, then you have a right to defend yourself by saying that they are defending that stories wokeness!

And remember, when talking about wokeness always remember to take a jab at Disney Star Wars as they have shoved there wokeness into the franchise and destroyed it entirely and also remember to ignore the fact that your talking about a franchise that literally has the word “wars” in it, George Lucas has admitted that he based the battle of Endor in Return of the Jedi of the Vietnam war and if A New Hope was released today we’d get a bunch of people complaining about the scene where C-3PO and R2-D2 get kicked out of the cantina because “we don’t serve there kind here.”

Step 4: Make your reviews an hour long!

“Wait, an hour long?” I hear you asking. “That seems a little long. Why not 10 minutes? Or 30? You know, long enough to get the point across?” And to that I say your not thinking big enough! Dragging out your videos to an hour or more long will guarantee you get your points across and ensure the ad revenue you make is worth it. Hell, why stop at just 1 hour!? Why not 2? Or 3? OR 8 HOURS!? Talk about absolutely EVERYTHING in a bit of fiction! What’s that? Journey only takes an hour beat and is a game where your meant to come to your own conclusion about what it’s about or what you think it might be about? Oh no no no, you need to drag it out into a 3-hour long essay about how it’s about the concept of death and have an hour-long intro talking about how no other games up to this point have even come close to what Journey archives and only barely scratched the surface. Speaking of…

Step 5: Over analyse EVERYTHING!

This one is self-explanatory. Look deeply into absolutely everything that you can even if the conclusion you’re coming to is a massive stretch. Take the Mortal Kombat character D'vorah for example. A character who kills of major characters in the story yet get’s away with it every time. Now, why would she do this? Is it because she’s super smart as a result of her being a collection of various bugs controlling a humanoid shell? Could it be because she’ll do anything for her hives survival including playing both sides and betraying everyone so much it would make Revolver Ocelot blush?... If, you know, Ocelot was into Anthro bug ladies. NOPE! It’s because someone on the dev team loves this character with a passion and just wants to piss of the fanbase by using her to kill off popular characters… For some reason. Yes, that is DEFINENTLLY the reason why D’Vorah get’s so much love from Netherrealm.

Step 6: You are ALWAYS right!

You might think that as a critic who’s job it is to criticise other people’s work for a living that other people have a right to criticise you for when you make a mistake. Except no, they don’t! The calm and reasonable and level-headed guy who backs his arguments up with logic will always, ALWAYS be wrong compared to you, the man who’s angry 24/7 and doesn’t like anything. Because that is a WAY healthier way to live!

Step 7: Make shit up!

Finally, when all else fails and you can’t think of anything else the best thing you can do is just make random shit up! Lie, spread rumours, feed into the bullshit machine, say that this game/movie/show/whatever is going to bomb and not make any money because you think no one will be interested in it and keep yourself that little bubble of yours because if you say something enough times then it will become true. And when something does come out and your proven wrong and people do end up enjoying the thing you spent the last few months trash talking because your own personal bias got in the way and you refuse to go outside your little bubble you live in just say those people have no taste or that they are being paid off or that they live in their own bubble!

And that’s it! That is the guide! As long as you remember to follow these easy steps then you will be sure to get over a million subscribers on your Youtube channel. As well as never being happy, never being fun, never being able to enjoy anything and always putting others down. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to go make a 24 hour long essay about how Super Mario RPG Remake is an insult to the original SNES classic and bully the people who are enjoying it while supporting harassment of the people who worked on the game all for that sweet sweet Youtube money! Thanks for reading and don’t forget to like and follow!

The Nintendo Gamecube. Weather you love it or… oh who am I kidding yall love this thing like it’s the son you never had, it’s hard to deny that it wasn’t exactly the most successful console in the 2000’s. Especially when it was competing with the Motion Dew powered alien box that has Halo on it and what might as well be Genghis Khan if he was a video game console with how much of the world the Playstation 2 conquered. Crazy to think the original model that sold the most units wasn’t even its final form!

And yet despite it being arguably one of the worst selling consoles of that era if you ask anyone nowadays, especially the die-hard Nintendo fans who grew up in this era, they will say it was one of Nintendo’s best systems ever and that it had some of the best games ever! And yet, I never owned growing up. Which is kind of ironic when you really think about it considering the amount of franchises I really love that happen to be Nintendo franchises or in cases like the Shantae series, started life on a Nintendo series. Crazy to think that almost wasn’t the case when you remember the first game was originally planned for the PS1. In fact, there’s only ever been one time in my entire life where I’ve ever been able to play on a real life, authentic Gamecube. And the circumstances for how I ended up playing it are, well they were not the best circumstances. Sit down, let me tell you the story of the ONE and ONLY time I’ve ever gotten a chance to play on the purple lunchbox that is the Gamecube.

So a little bit of background. I like to think I was largely a PlayStation child growing up in the 2000’s and I’m pretty sure I might have even mentioned this in the past. Well, that’s only half true. Growing up I had an equal amount of both PlayStation and Nintendo system. I had a PlayStation 2, PlayStation Portable and a PlayStation 3 on the Sony side of things while on the Nintendo side I had a Gameboy Advanced, DS and Wii with practically nothing from Microsoft’s side in my possession. In fact, I wouldn’t even own an Xbox system until after I had grown up and got the Xbox One in 2015 when I was 18 years old. So why did I not have a Gamecube growing up? Well, several reasons.

1. … What’s a Gamecube? Yeah, I didn’t even know the Gamecube was a thing back when it was new! In fact, I wouldn’t even properly know of its existence until around like 2005. Now I don’t know how it was exactly that I found out it was a thing, but I do remember it was because I was just randomly browsing the internet one day since we had just gotten internet set up in our house. All this time I thought there was only PlayStation 2 and Xbox meanwhile this tiny box that shared the same colour as Grimace was also a thing.

It was around this time though that I remembered something. A few years prior I was with my Dad and we were visiting a friend of his and he had a son. A son who turned on his TV to play a video game console with a startup screen different to what I was use to. Yeah, do I even need to say it? I actually HAD seen a Gamecube in real life this whole time and I just didn’t know it. I didn’t get to play it though because we were only there for like five minuets and Dad had some important stuff to do.

2. Do you really think my parents would get me a second home console when I already had a PlayStation 2? And many of the third-party games that were released on the Gamecube were also on the PlayStation 2? My parents were not super strict, I mean my mother got me a Nintendo Wii AND PlayStation 3 in the later half of the decade for Palutena’s sake, but there was no way BellmoTheChild was getting his hands on another home console anytime soon.

Do you wanna know a hilarious part about that second point though? One of the multiplatform games I did own was the Futurama video game and on that game, you could actually watch a trailer for it and at the end it advertised all the systems it was available and one of them was the Gamecube. That version never ended up getting released so… sorry Gamecube owners who were also Futurama fans!

Now I knew that Nintendo was a thing for a while now at that point. In fact, some of my earliest gaming memories was actually playing Mario Kart 64 at a friend’s place who sadly moved away to another state in 2010 but did have a Nintendo 64 with them. So did my uncle who let me play Super Mario 64 which I stupidly thought was referencing the year it came out in. Why did I use to think that? Am I stupid? The sad thing about the time I properly found out the Gamecube was a thing is that by the time I did, the Nintendo Wii was only about like a year from being released. And by that point I pretty much just stopped caring about the thing. I had no reason to care about it.

That was, until 2006. Not long ago my parents had divorced and I was at my father’s waiting for my mother to pick me up. So, to kill time I played outside. Just minding my own business running around when suddenly, I feel over and landed on my elbow and broke my humerus! Yeah it, it was quite painful. And yes, before you ask, that IS an actual bone in the human body. Look it up if you don’t believe me. And I was in a lot of pain two, so I had to be rushed to the hospital and stay the night.

The next morning, I wasn’t able to leave yet as we had to wait for some results or something so to keep me occupied the doctors rolled in a TV to play with. And I think you can tell what was plugged into that TV. A Nintendo Gamecube!

There it was! The system I had only just recently heard of and thought I’d never get to play was sitting right there in front of me. Waiting to be played. And of course, I played it. Because what the Hell else was I meant to do while stuck in a hospital bed? I don’t remember every game they had to play there but there are two in particular I do remember. Luigi’s Mansion and SpongeBob SquarePants Lights Camera Pants. And guess which one I spent the most time playing that morning? Lui… Yup it was SpongeBob SquarePants! Because why the hell would the kid who loves SpongeBob pass up this opportunity?

Okay but in all seriousness, I DID also try Luigi’s Mansion as well but it was on a save file that was already in progress, I had no idea what I was even meant to do and just got frustrated and swapped to SpongeBob. I would go on to play the Gamecube for the rest of the morning until we were able to leave. But leave more so because we got told that the doctors would have to preform a surgery on me to heal my arm which my mom was agents because she thought it’d be scary for me and eventually my arm just healed on its own.

And that’s it! That is the only time I’ve ever gotten to play a real-life Nintendo Gamecube. I wasn’t kidding when I said earlier that the circumstances for me playing it were not the best. A year after that I got my Nintendo Wii for Christmas which WAS compatible with Gamecube games but was never able to find any games for sale since most game stores I went to were no longer selling them. As I got older though I started to learn a lot more about the Nintendo Gamecube and its library games and all it had to offer.

And once I started to gain this much knowledge of it and went into my teenage years and then later my adult years where I noticed more people online were singing it’s praises as well as how more people in general were willing to say that the Gamecube was a good console… I honestly didn’t care that I didn’t own one. And no, it wasn’t because I had a Wii which was backwards compatible with Gamecube games. Again, I never brought any Gamecube games for it due to not actively looking for them. I don’t even use my Wii anymore after I got my Wii U which is compatible with original Wii games. Hell, it wasn’t even because I had no interest in collecting old gaming systems or anything. In fact, around the time of me writing this my PlayStation Vita I brought with my birthday money came in since it was the only PlayStation system I didn’t own yet and I am absolutely loving it so far.

No, the real reason I didn’t have any actual interest in owning a Gamecube is because of several factors.

1. Many of the more well-known games that were originally released on it ended up getting re-releases later on and they were all on systems I actually DID have! From Zelda Twilight Princess having a duel release on both the Gamecube and the Wii to the first two Pikmin games getting re-released on the Wii, Metroid Prime getting versions for both the Wii AND Switch, Zelda Wind Waker getting a HD port on Wii U which also added in the Swift Sali to make traveling across the Great Sea much less tedious, Luigi’s Mansion which got a 3DS remake to the remake of Paper Mario The Thousand Year Door coming out on the Switch soon. Yeah, not everything that was on the Gamecube would get this lucky but pretty much most of the well-known ones did or are.

2. Have you seen how expensive Gamecube games cost second hand? Alright, let’s just rip this bandage off right now. If you have any interest in buying a Nintendo Gamecube now you are, for lack of a better term, fucked! Not just because of the system itself but also because of the games! The actual games themselves go for way, WAY too much second hand! These games can cost upwards of close to or even over $100 on sites like ebay. In fact, I went to a convention a few years ago after COVID restrictions started to be eased and one of the stalls there was selling some old Nintendo games and you wanna know how much Super Smash Bros Melee cost? $120! Fucking… why!? And then you got stuff like Metal Gear Solid The Twin Snakes which on ebay costs $230. Let me just remind you that The Twin Snakes is widely considered to be the weaker version of Metal Gear Solid 1 yet somehow it costs 2x more than a copy of the original PS1 version! Then you got the original version of Metroid Prime which costs just as much used as the newer remastered version on Switch does!

This is something that has always bothered me about older first party Nintendo games. People who sell them second hand always, ALWAYS charge WAY too much for them! Not just Gamecube games either but also stuff like old Nintendo 64 games as well which can also go for over $100 used. I went into my local Cash Converters a few months ago and they had on display a copy of Mario Party 2 for $195, Pokemon Stadium for $295 and Metroid for $430!!! And yeah, I can understand why some games can be harder to get your hands on nowadays compared to others as there can be several factors that play into it such as how available they were on release or how many copies were made as well as if that game has ever gotten a re-release on modern systems or not but my fucking God good luck getting older Nintendo games for a reasonable price if you don’t feel like spending $60 a year on Nintendo Switch Online plus the expansion for whatever reason. Points like this are why I am such a defender of emulation. Which actually brings me to the last reason I have no real interest in getting a real Gamecube now.

3. Gamecube emulation is super easy to set up and do! You probably knew I was going to bring this up eventually. Playing Gamecube games on an emulator is pretty much the only way I’ve been able to play some of the exclusive games I’ve been able to that don’t involve having to starve myself. I used to play these primarily on Dolphin but ever since I hacked my Wii U I’ve been playing these games on Nintendont which is a Gamecube emulator for Wii U since it’s the closest I may ever get to playing an actual Gamecube again because of how the Wii U is built of off the Wii which itself was already built of off the Gamecube.

And in response to the comments I’m bound to get saying “eMuLaTiOn Is PiRaCy! YoU sHoUlD bE pLaYiNg On AcTuAl HaRdWaRe!” Number 1; shut up! Please! You people give me the same tired reaction I get when I see Helluva Boss haters complain that the show “only has one joke and it’s swearing” and coming off as if they have never actually watched the show they are criticising and are just saying that for the sake of that un funny meme. Go ahead, tell me I’m wrong about that one! Number 2; Many of the games I and a lot of others do emulate are ones that aren’t officially sold anymore and even if you do have the money to spend on a $230 used copy of Wario World NONE of the money you spend would be going to the people who made the game anyway! And let me tell you, I am NOT spending that much on a game I otherwise love for that reason alone!

Also, this isn’t actually related to my reason for not being interested in getting a real Gamecube but I wanna bring it up because I don’t know when I’ll get a better chance two, the controller. I’m… I’m sorry, I’m not the biggest fan of this thing but it’s purely because of how it looks. I’ve used the special Super Smash Bros Ultimate Gamecube controller that was released along side the game back in 2018 and it honestly feels great to use. Not even just with Smash but with other select games on the Switch. No, my reason for not loving the controller is purely it’s design! It’s not as bad as the Nintendo 64 controller, nothing is gonna top THAT thing in how ugly it is, but it’s still not the most pleasant thing to me.

-It only has three shoulder buttons compared to the four on the PS2 controller and despite the L and R buttons feeling like they should be pressure sensitive a whole generation before the PS3 and Xbox 360 they aren’t.

-There’s no Select button and you only got the Start button.

-While the left analogue stick is actually really good and I’d argue one of the best ones Nintendo has ever made the C stick on the other hand? Oh boy. It has NO REASON to be as stubby as it is especially when you consider that most games use it primarily for camera control anyway.

-Oh and can someone explain to me what in Hade’s name they were thinking when it came to the face buttons? Why is the A button so big and in the centre while the B button is so small with the X and Y buttons being so awkwardly shaped on the top?

Again, actually using the controller isn’t that bad and it feels fine. But if someone told me that this was there least favourite controller ever because of its design I can’t say I would blame them. AND THAT’S THE THING THAT SUPRISES ME! People say this is one of the BEST controller ever! And I have to ask, why? I mean it’s great that people love using it but I think I’m going to stick to my special gold Wii classic controller that came with my copy of the Wii remake of Goldeneye thanks. It doesn’t look like a miss mash of buttons and it works just as fine when I use it with Nintendont.

And… that’s pretty much it! That is my Gamecube story. How I learnt about it, how I even got to play it and why that will probably be the only time I ever get to play a real one because fuck selling those games at a reasonable prince am I right?! This… went on for longer than I admit I anticipated… I can’t think of a good way to end this……… Hey did you know that despite his hatred for it being a big part of his character now Batman back in some of his really early comics never actually had a problem with guns and even used them regularly?

-The fact that both this and the original journal were inspired by Cinema’s Sins. Specifically, there videos on Everything Wrong With… THEMSELVES! Because no movie, or person, is without sin. +1

-And speaking of Cinema Sins because I really can’t think of a better time to bring this up, I actually use to love them! Not just them but any other channel that was basically just Cinema Sins but for gaming. You know, ones like Dartigan, Charrii5, GCN, those sorts of people. Normally I’m all for people enjoying what they want but me liking these channels in particular was a sin. +2

-There’s a lot of reasons I stopped watching these channels, from the constant scene manipulation to playing dumb to make things look like they don’t make sense to repeating sins to making bad pop culture references that aren’t sins of what they were sinning to acting like “the books don’t matter” to constantly contradicting themselves (they will sin a movie/game for not explaining anything but then turn around and sin it FOR explaining two much) or in the case of stuff like Cinema Sins Harry Potter videos saying some REALLY creepy stuff like “Hermine isn’t old enough to be hot yet.” (Yes, they ACTUALLY said that in almost all their HP videos, go watch them if you don’t believe me) to thinking they can get away with it because they write themselves of as “satire” as if satire can’t still be criticised and those channels STILL putting actual criticisms in there videos. +3

-That being said, I haven’t been watching channels like Th3Birdman and others like him that do Everything Wrong With videos on Everything Wrong With videos and well, this journal IS an Everything Wrong With on myself so… I guess I can’t really escape this type of content. +4

-I’m still white! But not so white that I don’t know what New Growth means. +5

-I’m 27 years old but I have more than 22 years of gaming experience. Hey, some of us don’t just come out of the womb knowing how to hold a controller. Sometimes we wait until we get a Playstation 2 for Christmas of 2000 before we do. +6

-I was a Playstation kid for most of the 2000’s. Yes, I did have a Gameboy Advanced, Wii and DS but most of my time was spent on either my Playstation 2, Playstation 3 or Playstation Portable. +7

-I had a Playstation 3 over an Xbox 360 and I am not ashamed of that! +8

-I once played a train conductor in my High Schools performance of Goodnight Mister Tom in the beginning of the performance where Willie’s mother sends him off to live with Tom on the train despite that opening never once happening in the original book our play was based on. Trust me, we had to read the book in school, I know! +9

-One time I was asked to help sell beer at a local footy game despite not liking either football or beer. +10

-Also, I’m an Australian who doesn’t enjoy or watch the footy. Yes, that’s a sin! +11

-Inkling Michael exists! +12

-Inkling Michael: Hey screw you! I’m beautiful! Take a sin off for me! -11

-Shiver is my favourite Splatoon girl behind Marina. Yeah you heard me Frye fans who get salty that Shiver has won almost every Splatfest in Splatoon 3 so far! +12

-Hate makes me stronger. Actually, hate makes ALL of us stronger! No really, what a lot of people don’t realize it that prior to dislikes being removed from Youtube they still technically counted as likes and leaving negative comments on a post was usually enough to get that post trending. Hate really does make us all stronger! We are all collectively like the Sith in a Star Wars movie. +13

-The reason review scores don’t have any value to me is actually because it’s pointless to give a score to something that will be subjective to everyone who experiences that! +14

-Same with arguing over what game “deserves” Game of the Year. To me Game of the Year is nothing more than a meaningless title that holds no real value yet everyone is always so determined to lable what they think is the best game of that year period ignoring the fact that again, we all have different tastes and what you consider to be Game of the Year won’t be someone else’s favourite. There’s a good reason I stopped taking this saying very seriously after the 2020 Game Awards where everyone collectively overreacted to The Last of Us Part 2 winning. +15

-I went to my local Pizza Hut once, got sick and had to go to the bathroom and then a few days later the place closed down. I didn’t even put in a complaint or anything, it just happened! So yeah, to everyone in my town who’s sad over that you can blame me for it, kinda. +16

-I have Autism. And despite what some people still think it doesn’t make you stupid. But I still have it so… +17

-Those who think I don’t read any of the source material a game is based on are going to be even more disappointed when I tell them… yeah actually your right. Most of the time at least. +18

-No actually, can I just take this opportunity to vent for a second about something? The books DO fucking matter! The Witcher games would not exist if the books didn’t exist. The Batman Arkham games would not exist if the Batman comics did not exist! Every single Star Wars game ever would not exist if the Star Wars movies didn’t exist! The Simpsons Hit and Run would not exist if the Simpsons Show didn’t exist! Kingdom Hearts would not exist if Disney didn’t! This isn’t really a sin on myself or anything, I just wanted to vent about this because people genuinely think that the source material something is based on “doesn’t matter” or that they need to consult a book just to understand it while also ignoring that these adaptations are just that! Adaptations of already existing stories and characters! And even then, most adaptations you don’t ALWAYS have to consult a book thanks to a little thing you might have heard of called “show don’t tell!” Jesus Fucking Christ, media literacy really IS dead if people say that the books “don’t matter!”

-Prior to Sony removing the option to share videos and clips to Twitter via PS5 I had to censor my swear words even though I don’t have any problem with swear words. Why? Because Sony made it so that it stops you from sharing anything if your post includes a swear. I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve had to do this! +19

-I’ve managed to piss off both Star Wars fans and Pokemon fans even though I love both those things. +20

-I’ve gotten 2 pics of my sona hypnotized and coiled by Kaa but not one pic of me with Miia or Alice. +21

-I don’t understand Roman Numerals. Or at least I don’t understand ones up to VI. +22

-You can usually tell just how much of a franchsie I actually know just based on how I write some of the descriptions to my commissions.

“Junko from Danganropa in an interesting suit designed around the funny bear man from the same series.” HIS NAME IS FUCKING MONOKUMO YOU UNCULTURED SWINE! +23

-Somehow some of the best friends I’ve made in the past 5 years have been artists, some of whom I’ve commissioned several times, yet the most I’ve ever done in terms of actual art is a couple of sketches done on my 3DS that I did in like five minutes. +24

-Someone once tried to insult me on Facebook by calling me a Trump Supporter even though A) They were replying to a comment I made that had nothing to do with Donald Trump, B) I’m not even American and C) Fuck Donald Trump! +25

-Yeah no, I still don’t like Spec Ops The Line. Sorry! +125

-I tweet like a normal weirdo which is clearly an act. +126

-I actually, unironically enjoy Sonic and The Black Knight! It’s a pain to play sometimes if you’re playing this on actual hardware like I do because of the motion controls but I actually have fun with this game. I haven’t played Sonic and the Secret Rings yet but I’m willing to bet I’d enjoy that two. And not just because one of the characters in it is an admittedly really cute genie girl. +127

-Everyone thinks I have a massive love for Shantae which… yeah, I do! Obviously, I’ve made that pretty clear in the past, but in reality, EVERYONE has a massive love for Shantae. +128

-The only Paper Mario game I’ve ever played and have still played was Super Paper Mario. +129

-The Nohrian path in Fire Emblem Fates will forever be superior to the Hoshidens. And let me stop you right there, it’s NOT purely because of Camilla! She’s only a bonus reason. +120

-I once sold my Wii U copies of Mario Kart 8 and Pokken Tournament just because I was getting the Switch versions. Yes, that IS a sin because why the fuck would I do that as someone who’s a Wii U defender! (I DID get those versions back eventually though.) +131

-I have WAY to many games that I’ve brought but have never played! Tearaway, all the Little Big Planet games, the first two Infamous games, Astral Chain, Tokyo Mirage Sessions, Zombi U, the list goes on. +132

-I actually enjoy Detroit: Become Human and Heavy Rain. I still yet to finish Beyond Two Souls and Fahrenheit though. +133

-I’ve failed the Wrong Side of the Tracks mission in Grand Theft Auto San Andreas so much at this point that I can’t even be bothered to do that mission the legitimate way anymore! I always just park the bike on a specific roof, get off and jump onto the train to bust some caps in those gangsters’ asses. +134

-I’m sort of still a brony. Not as much as I use to be in the mid 2010’s but I still have a love for this show. +135

-I still believe that the haters of something can be way, WAY worse than the people who enjoy a thing. There’s a dam good reason I was proud to be a brony for most of the 2010s. +136

-I only got into Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared because of Red Guy. He is my spirit animal! +137

-I was enjoying Little Which Academia up to the point where I was spoiled about a pretty big plot twist around one of the characters via a meme! While I was six episodes in! I have yet to continue watching it because of that meme! +138

-I’ve never made a video game therefor I should probably just shut the fuck up. +139

Sin Total: 139

Sentence: Dante makes it into a Smash Game! (But it’s the 2013 reboot Dante!)

You know what? I feel like telling you all a story. A story from my childhood. One that has stayed with me for almost two decades now… And NOT for the right reasons either!

When I was a child and still in Primary School for a couple of years towards the end of the 2000’s there was this theatre group that would always come to a neighbouring town near our school. They didn’t come to the town where my school was because well, it was a really, REALLY small town that only had a school, a pub, general store, a couple of houses, a silo and a football field. And every time they did come our school would always go there to see them preform. Specifically, the three times we did go and see them they did re-enactments a few Disney movies and every year was a new movie.

Or at least, I assumed it was Disney movies they were re-creating because yes, I was one of THOSE kids growing up who wasn’t aware that pretty much every animated film by Disney (excluding those made by Pixar) were adaptations of already existing stories. Adaptations which at times would play pretty lossy goosy with how closely they followed the source material. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs was an adaptation of an old Grimmdark fairy tale from Germany in 1812 just simply called Snow White. Yeah, it’s JUST called Snow White. I honestly didn’t know the Seven Dwarfs were not even referenced in the original stories title until I looked it up. Hercules was an adaptation of the story of the 12 Labors of Heracles from Greek Mythology. Yes people, it’s actually meant to be said as Heracles! NOT Hercules! Heracles is the original Greek name while Hercules is the name the Romans gave the character back when they were all “Hippity Hoppity, your country, people and culture are now our property!” And Aladdin is an adaptation of the folktale of the same name from the Book of the One Thousand and One Arabian Nights. The fact I didn’t pick up on that as a child is even more egregious considering the title and choice lyrics of the very first song you hear in Disney’s Aladdin.

I bring these three stories up in particular not because there are some people who STILL don’t realize most Disney movies are just lifted from other sources (although that is part of the reason I guess) but also because these three plays we saw were retellings of these stories. I always thought that these plays were based of the Disney retellings though since aside from the Hercules one using the Roman name of the character it also depicted Hades as the villain despite the fact that not only was he NOT a villain in the story of Heracles but he was actually a pretty neutral God. That being said, instead of the climax being how it is in Disney’s version where Hercules is willing to sacrifice himself to save Meg only to be ascended to Godhood as he does, this play it just ends with a generic sword fight of Zeus vs Hades with Zeus being beaten and Hercules coming in last second to save his daddy. His daddy who will likely go on to breed with many, many, many, many, MANY more women around Greece. And I hope you aren’t expecting me to go over everything in these plays because I don’t remember a lot about them. I mean I did see these was I was between 10-13 so not everything from these performances is well remembered. However, stuff like how the Hercules play ended is one of the reasons why I’ve only just been recently thinking it might have been the groups own take on these classic stories instead of being recreations of the Disney versions.

No, the reason I personally remember these plays is because of how pandering they were! How do I mean? Well, a couple of main reasons. First one being, the pop culture references! Now again, I was only a child when I originally saw these, so I don’t remember everything from them but the way they tried to pander to us I do. One of these plays, I don’t remember if it was the Hercules or Aladdin one specifically though I vaguely remember it being the Hercules one, but… Hades was a gamer! No really, there was actually a point in this play where Megura talks about how Hades has regularly gotten a six star wanted level on Grand Theft Auto followed by Zeus walking in and Meg going “BUSTED” as an obvious reference  to getting busted in GTA. Putting aside the fact that out of all the games they could have referenced they picked the one that most of the kids in my class were not allowed to play remember that generic sword fight ending I mentioned earlier? Yeah, you want to know what they had blasting in the background of that fight? Duel of the Fates from the Star Wars prequels. Was I super into both of those things growing up? Yes! Yes I was! Did that make the attempts to pander to us any less painful to put up with? No. No it did not!

Now some may be thinking of stopping and telling me “But wait, isn’t one of the most popular characters in any Disney movie, the Genie from Aladdin, also a pop culture referencing machine?” Yes but Genie is usually let off the hook by most people, myself included, for several reasons. Like with some early Simpsons episodes most of the references are pretty obscure and reference stuff that’s pretty old or that older audiences would get and even if you do get them the film isn’t shoving those references down your throat anyway. Plus, Robin William’s performance as the Genie is so entertaining to watch just on it’s own anyway and is regarded as one of the best performances in the film! There’s a good reason some people were hesitant to Will Smith playing the character in the live action remake.

But the pop culture references were not as bad as the OTHER reason I remember from these plays for the wrong reason. Because these plays also had music numbers. And instead of doing covers of classic Disney songs they instead did parody versions of random popular songs from around when we saw these plays. You know where I’m going with these, they were just as painful as the pop culture references. You could argue that they couldn’t do covers of the Disney songs but I mean, have you seen the amount of covers of those songs are up on Youtube? The one I remember the most was during the Aladdin play where Jafar suddenly started singing a parody of Kanye Wests Stronger only he was singing about his plan to over throw Sultan Vinegar and how “I need the lamp now!” Oh yeah, I forgot to mention but what I just called the Sultan just now wasn’t a joke I just made up on the spot either, THAT WAS ACTUALLY WHAT HE WAS CALLED IN THE PLAY! SULTAN VINIGER! EVEN THOUGH THE SUTAN IN BOTH THE ORIGINAL AND DISNEY VERSION OF ALADDIN (at least according to the Disney Wiki) HAS A NAME AND IT’S SULTAN HAMED BOBBOLONIS II OF AGRABAH! And that’s not even counting how these plays end either because after the final scene all the actors decide to get out onto the stage and sing a cover of Reach of the Stars by S Club 7 which, okay yeah that’s a good song but did every one of these need to end on that song? You know how some people give modern animated films crap for ending on a dance party ending? Yeah, this was that but in real life!

The worst part about these plays however is only a day or two after we saw these plays our teacher would actually play for us the Disney versions of these movies and I seriously can not tell you how much better these were to watch compared to those plays! They were actually fun and didn’t make me want to do something very illegal just from watching it! Many people often give Disney shit for the live action remakes they do of there classic films which feel like they are solely being made just to cater to people who hate animation as a medium. And while I am by no means defending them especially as someone who loves animation himself, these plays were no better than what Disney has been trying the past decade.

So yeah, that’s just a little story from my past I’ve had on my mind a lot lately and thought I’d share.

Hello everyone, SidonSimpNumber1111101 here bringing you another video. In this video I’m gonna explain to you in excruciating detail about how NINTENDO HAS ABOANDOND THE LEGEND OF ZELDA AND DOESN’T CARE ABOUT IT ANYMORE! But before we get into that make sure to hit that like button and please subscribe even though this is likely your first video of mine you’re watching but 0% of you people watching are actually subscribed so I need that ad revenue. Do you want me to go poor? Do you want me to be kicked out of my house and live on the street? FUCKING SUBSCRIBE ALREADY YOU DINGLEBAT!!! Also, I just want to point out that this video is sponsored by Raid Shadow Legends. Stay tuned to the middle of the video where I will randomly segway into the add.

So some of you may be watching this and have no idea what the Legend of Zelda series is. And that is an understandable thing to wonder seeing as how it’s been five months since the last game which is too long for a series to go without a new game so let me give you some history. You see, our story actually begins well before the Nintendo Entertainment System was even a thing. When Shigeru Miyamoto was a child of around 10 or so years I think while out exploring he found a cave but knew that he…

“Dude, just skip this whole part. Seriously.”

Wha… Who the Hell are you!?

“Oh, you know. BellmoTheGreat. The guy who runs this page? The guy who’s house you’ve broken into just to make this video? The video that you, ignoring the overly long intro, thought to start the video proper by giving people an overly long history lesion about how the Zelda series was even created while also ignoring the fact that most people watching this will likely be Zelda fans who already know the series history?”

But…. It’s important to the topic of the video!?

“How is going into overly long detail about a history that most people know already anyway relevant to the topic of how Nintendo has ‘’’forgotten’’’ Zelda? Be honest, you just want an excuse to get this video over 10 minutes for the sake of monetization.”

…… Okay, well maybe the people DO know the history. In that case, let’s skip to the important part of this video. Our sponsor! Raid Shadow Legends is a free to play mobile…

“No dude, don’t do this either!”

What!? Don’t get sponsors!?!? Do you WANT me to go hungry!?!?

“No, I mean DON’T put the ad for your sponsor in the middle of your video! This is something that literally every Youtuber has been doing recently and it’s really annoying when it happens because not only does it interrupt the video randomly but everyone always skips it anyway! I know this because any time you people put an ad in the middle of your video’s I can literally see where the add ends thanks to the ‘most replayed’ part of the video tab where everyone always skips two.”

Well then mister ‘I don’t even have a 100,000 subscribers on my channel’ where SHOULD I put my ads?

“Oh, I don’t know. How about at THE END of a video!? Where it won’t feel like it interrupts anything?”

You know, that is actually smart advice. So I’ll ignore it come next video.

“*Sigh.*”

Anyway, the reason Nintendo has forgotten about one of their greatest video game franchises is because IT’S BEEN FIVE MONTHS MAN!!! THAT’S TWO LONG TO GO WITHOUTH A NEW GAME!!! Does Nintendo just not care anymore!?!? Has Nintendo just forgotten about its most important franchise!?!? The Switch barley has any Zelda representation on it at all! We need a new game! We need a new ANYTHING! WE NEED A NEW…

“Stop! Okay just… stop!”

Oh what now!?!?

“Nintendo ‘doesn’t care for the Zelda series anymore?’ Mate, do you even read your scripts? Or did you just take the easy way out and use ChatBotGT to write this because you have such little confidence in yourself in regards to your writing?”

Yes I do read my own scripts that I write! I’m reading it right now as I’m recording this! And it’s true! Nintnedo DOES NOT care for Zelda anymore.

“………… Hey, you know how you tried to start this video of with a pointless history lesion?”

What? Why are you…

“March 3rd 2017. The Nintendo Switch launches and one of the launch titles is Zelda Breath of the Wild. A game that was announced back in 2013 well before anyone even knew about the Nintendo Switch and was one of the most anticipated games for the Wii U. And while the Wii U version did get released nearly everyone who got a Switch also got the Switch version of Breath of the Wild even if they already had a Wii U. I know this is true because I was one of those people. It then goes on to be one of the best selling games in the series and would get DLC later on in the year for both versions.

The following year not only does Hyrule Warriors get re-released on the Nintendo Switch but it is arguably the best way to play the game because it has all of the DLC content that was added to prior releases as well as the gameplay additions that were added on the Legends release such as character switching and the My Fairy system. And let’s not forget how Mario Kart 8 Deluxe got updated to add in a new costume for Link of his Breath of the Wild design along with the Master Cycle Zero from the BotW DLC. Or Super Smash Bros Ultimate also coming out that year which not only featured Breath of the Wild Link but also Link Between Worlds Zelda, Ocarina of Time Gannondorf, both Young Link and Toon Link along with returning Zelda Themed stages from Twilight Princess, Wind Waker, Spirit Tracks and the new Shieka Tower and pair that with Ultimate's new Spirit System and you got a Smash game that represents nearly everything Zelda related! Or how about Nintendo Switch Online adding in Nintendo Entertainment System games and one of those games that was bundled with its launch was the very first Legend of Zelda game with Adventure of Link eventually being added later?

2019, Nintendo does another Zelda crossover between them and Crypt of the Necrodancer in the form of Cadence of Hyrule. SNES games are added to NSO and guess what one of the first games that got added was? That’s right, Zelda Link to the Past! Oh and also the remake of Link’s Awakening was both announced and released this year along with the then un-named sequel to Breath of the Wild also being announced at E3!

2020! Not only does Hyrule Warriors get a sequel with Age of Calamity, but it also serves as a prequel to the events of Breath of the Wild. And then there’s Nintendo 64 games being added to Nintendo Switch Online via the expansion. For as much shit as this service gets it did also come with Ocarina of Time as one of the first games along with Majora’s Mask also being added later.

Then 2021 comes and Skyward Sword is announced to be getting a Switch Port. Controversial as this game might be it is still an important part of the Zelda series and still a game many hold close to there hearts. Also, Age of Calamity gets DLC. Towards the end of the year Nintendo releases a Zelda Game and Watch similar to the Mario one released the prior year which came with Zelda 1, 2, the original Link’s Awakening and a Zelda skin version of the Game and Watch classic Wack and Mole.

Yes, 2022 was mostly a silent year but when 2023 rolled around not only did we get Minish Cap re-released via the Gameboy Advanced feature of NSO but Tears of the Kingdom finally releases in May! Oh, and also Oracle of Seasons and Oracle of Ages are added to NSO as well. 2 months ago! In July! In fact, the Nintendo Switch has had SO MUCH Zelda in the past six years of it’s life that it’s amazing you can title this video ‘Nintendo has forgotten about Zelda’ with a straight face. Even if you don’t want to count everything in between Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom because they were either spin offs, remakes or re-releases you still had so much Zelda to hold you over in the past half decade! Compare that to a franchise like the Mother series where only the second game was ever released internationally under the name of just Earthbound on the SNES in the 90’s, Mother 3 never getting an official release outside Japan despite Nintendo being aware of the fact that people want the game to officially be released and the only official Mother related things we have gotten since then are the first game finally getting localized in 2015 and released on the Wii U eShop titled Earthbound Beginnings along with the expected re-released of Earthbound on NSO. Or how about Startropics where the last game was released in 1994? That franchise is two years older than me! So tell me, with all that considered, how has Nintendo ‘forgotten’ about Zelda friend?”

… Umm… Well… Okay, if your going to be like that then I’ll just say they have forgotten about another Nintendo franchsie like Splatoon!

“*Sigh.* One year! It’s been one year since Splatoon 3 released and it’s still being regularly updated with new stuff and has players still playing it. Hell, we JUST got a trailer for the Side Order DLC recently so can you really say Splatoon is ‘forgotten?’”

Okay then… Pikmin!

“Not only has Pikmin 4 been released this year but you can get every single prior Pikmin game on Switch as well! The Switch is literally the best way to play this series since it’s all there minus Hey Pikmin.”

Umm… Err… F-Zero! Yeah I could totally make a video on F-Zero!

“Okay, ignoring the fact that it took 20 years for a new entry in this series to even come out Nintendo said that they HAD wanted to make a new F-Zero game for years but they just couldn’t think of a good enough gimmick to justify making a new game.”

……… Pokemon?

“*Sigh.* Just get out of my house! Please!”

*Spoilers for both Tears of the Kingdom, Breath of the Wild and Age of Calamity. *

So I’ve been playing Tears of the Kingdom for the past month because of course I would. It’s only my most anticipated game of 2023 and the sequel to one of my favourite Zelda games in the franchise after all. Well, most anticipated game of 2023 that doesn’t feature one of the best Spider-Man suits as a central mechanic at least! And you know, I’ve been having a dam good time with Tears of the Kingdom. Running around Hyrule, sending Koroks into space, helping my bro Sidon save Zora’s Domain from Sludge, helping my daughter Riju fend of some zombies, kicking the ass of a giant ice worm with my new son Tulin and helping Yunoboo and the Gorons get over there new addiction to crystal meth. Also building a new home outside Terry Town because I leave my old home in Hateno Village for a few years and suddenly the place is infested with Mushrooms! But umm, there’s one thing I haven’t been able to get over yet. One teeny tiny insignificant thing I NEED to talk to about someone. And that is well, umm… WHY THE FUCK IS MY MAN ROBBIE GETTING THE SHORT END OF THE STICK IN THIS GAME!?!?!

Okay so some of you might not know what the hell I’m talking about so let me give you some backstory. In Breath of the Wild released SIX YEARS AGO HOLY SHIT I FEEL OLD we meet two Shekia scientists who were both around 100 years prior to the games events before Calamity Gannon came and did to Hryule what Star Wars fans did to George Lucas’s sanity and absolutely decimate it! The first of these is Purah who in an attempt to turn herself into her much better Tears of the Kingdom six years early decided to experiment on herself with de-aging technology but ended up de-aging herself to much and turned herself into a loli and now she lives in the Hateno Ancient Tech Lab with her man slave Symin where she’s also able to reactivate the camera on your Shekia Slate because it was 2017 and everyone wanted to post there shitty selfies on the Hyrule Version of Instagram. Meanwhile Robbie doesn’t get off that lucky and is still an old man who looks like he’s going to keel over and die at any moment if you were to swing a Deku Leaf in front of him and I’m convinced he’s only managed to stay alive for all these years because of the power of determination after playing Undertale like once and seeing how effective it is. He also now spends his time hanging around the Akkala Ancient Tech Lab and hangs around a wired talking robot who spits out admittedly one of the best armour sets in the game and some ugly woman named Jerrin. The most significant thing Robbie does this whole game is ask you to strip naked.

Now let’s talk about Hyrule Warriors Age of Calamity which is both a sequel to the original Hyrule Warriors where you slaughter the entire population of the United States masquerading as Zelda enemies and also a semi prequel to the events of Breath of the Wild 100 years ago when two of the best Zelda characters of Urbosa and Mipha were still alive. It’s also in this game we see Purah and Robbie and what they looked like before old age and lolification hit. Purah a very pretty woman who looks to be in her 20’s probably and Robbie? Holy shit! Robbie looks handsome! This ladies and gentlemen is Robbie at his peak. Handsome, active, has fun and the best part is that he and Purah are even playable in this game as DLC. Not as separate characters but rather as one character and they both work together. AND Robbie is carrying on him a pair of badass dual chainsaws to fight of Jedi Master Sifo-Dyas’s clone army. Ash Williams? Fuck him! THIS is Robbie (and Purah’s there two I guess.) Objectively speaking the best version of Robbie in this series is the one in the semi non cannon crossover with the franchise I’m pretty sure was originally made a social experiment to show why throwing more bodies at the problem is morally wrong and doesn’t work unless the person playing it really does think that Dynasty Warriors game are just mindless button mashers which THEY ARE NOT and if you need me to prove that further you un-cultured shits, go play Fire Emblem Warriors! That game alone proves my point that these games require more thought from the player than…

Now we move on to the latest game in the Legend of Zelda series, Tears of da Kingdom. In this game we see Purah again and that the de-aging has worn off and she is started to get older and in her current state, oh boy Purah in her current state! I mean, what can I say about Tears of the Kingdom Purah that hasn’t been said already!? She’s beautiful! She’s gorgeous! There is a dam good reason a good 90% of the Zelda community likely wants to fuck Purah and have her have there babies! Now what about Robbie? Surely after her own experience Purah is going to give her old pal Robbie that technology and de-age himself to get him close to his Age of Calamity de… NOPE! Robbie is STILL stuck as an old man who looks like he’s going to crumble and turn to dust. Considering his friendship with Hyrules Next Top Model you think he’s get a break and be blessed with the same immortal life Purah has. The worst part is that after a certain point he will leave Lookout Landing to go back to Purah’s old lab in Hateno. Alone. No one to keep him company like in Breath of the Wild. Nothing to do after you complete the Purah Pad upgrade side adventure. The poor guys probably going to spending the rest of his life as a hermit whose entertainment is laughing at grown men on Hryule Twitter cry about the most insignificant shit like the skin colour of a fictional character. UNLESS Purah still has that technology hidden someone in her old lab. Maybe… Maybe THAT’S the REAL reason Robbie is in her old lab! To use her de-aging technology on himself! He doesn’t care if the process takes 100 years, he will do it!... Right? Unless he’s gotten to the point where his memory will start to deteriorate. He will forget who Link is, who Purah is, who he is. He… he’s not there to save himself. He’s there to die. Forgetful and forgotten. *Sigh.* Poor Robbie. This game’s done the guy dirty. This game needed to give the fandom someone to simp over but in doing so, they neglected poor old Robbie. Nintendo clearly hates Robbie and only Team Ninja give a shit about him.

*Sigh.* I’m sorry, I’ve made myself sad. I think maybe I should just get back to building my new house. Make it my dream location to live in. Maybe I’ll even adopt Riju and Tulin as my own kids and have them see Sidon and Yunobo as there new uncles. Maybe even try to find a way to use Age of Calamities time travel shenanigans to bring a still alive Mipha to my time so that we can start a family… What’s that? You say Tullin already has a farther and mother who are still alive and healthy? *Dresses up in the Yiga Clan armour set.* Not for much longer! Glory to the Yiga Clan and Master Kohga bitches!

Another year, another “me wanting to list of my fav games I played for the first time this year” thing. Unlike the last two years though I actually want to go into a bit of detail as to why I picked the games I did for my fav’s I’ve played this year because I do have my own reasons for each though they aren’t really anything that deep. And that’s it! Yeah short intro, I know. I started writing this last night and finished it this morning because I wanted to get this done before the new year.

10: Wii Party

This is one of the only games I played for the "first" time this year where I actually did have some experience with it prior though it was pretty brief. Originally, I first played this at a friends house in 2011 but only for one match of Board Game Island that we never even finished. The only other games I “first” played this year I did have some small experience with before being Ultimate Spider-Man where I also played once in 2011 and just fucked around and the original God of War in 2005 where all I had was a demo disk that had it on it. The only reason I really sought out Wii Party was because it was one of the only two games I needed for my “Wii Series” collection and also watching Professure’s Let Play’s on it. And I honestly ended up enjoying it way more than I remembered. All the game modes are fun and the mini games are enjoyable. And when your on Board Game Island and your at the top with multiple players and you have to roll a six to win it’s quite intense. Also, I will admit, maybe it’s mostly because I do have a decent bit of nostalgia built up towards the Wii Series. Not so much nostalgia that I’d want to go online and rant and rave about how “Nintendo Switch Sprots is the worst game ever made and Nintnedo are clearly trying to kill of Mii’s” or whatever other hyperbolic bullshit people are spreading but more because there’s just something about the personality of these games I can’t help but enjoy and keep coming back to and getting Wii Party and Wii Play Motion I feel complete.

9: Pilot Wings Resort

I know this games a part of a long running series that started in the 90’s on the SNES but considering it’s set on Wuhu Island, it has a free fly mode no different to Wii Sports Resort’s Island Flyover mode even giving you a similar reward if you find all 80 I points and it’s largely cantered around Mii’s it’s hard for me not to play this game and think it was an expanded version of the Air Sports modes in Wii Sports Resort. And it’s a fun expansion of that mode two! Planes, hang-gliders, jetpacks, all of them being fun to fly around in, a lot of levels and missions and the aforementioned Island Flyover mode. It does bother me somewhat that the timer in the free fly mode is now only 3 minutes rather than the five it was in Wii Sports Resort though. I really don’t get why they did that. But hey, at least you get a fancy castle if you find all the I points in this mode you get your own castle! No really, you go from being rewarded a cottage in Wii Sports Resort to being awarded a fully blown castle! What kind of reward system do they have on this island!? Screw it though, I’ll take it!

8: River City Girls 2

The original River City Girls in 2019 was already one of my favourite games from Wayfoward that WASN’T Shantae so when I saw that it was getting a sequel, I was excited. And I’d say that excitement paid off. Online co-op with four players with Kunio and Riki being unlocked from the start to accommodate this along with the new playable characters and other small improvements I never knew I wanted such as being able to swap out recruits at Kyoko’s home even being able to bring two with you this time. Also, Kyoko’s house has Kyoko’s mother. And Kyoko’s mother is best mom.

Mikaela: Wait, don’t you say the same thing about Toriel? And Melony? And Throani? And really just any MILF you like in general?

……. Also this game has a cameo from Patrica Wagon from Mighty Switch Force which is another game from Wayfoward I love which god yes! Now granted, this is the one game on this list I haven’t spent a whole lotta time with. It only just came out midway though this very month and I’ve been busy with a lot of other games but honestly, what I have played was enough for me to say “okay yeah, this is going on the list!”

7: Splatoon 3

Multiplayer is not the reason it’s one of my fav’s I played this year as it still has many of the things that have stopped me from fully enjoying Splatoon’s multiplayer since day one. Though at least Salmon Run is open 24/7 this time unlike Splatoon 2. This is purely because of the single player! This is genuinely my favourite single player mode in the series! It’s pretty much Octo Expansion but not a DLC, all of the levels being unique, I loved the new weapons and specials especially the one that basically turns you into Spider-Man, the gameplay itself still being as good as it has been in the last two games and the story itself was good and DIDN’T get so overly dark towards the end like Octo Expansions did! Seriously, if I never have to go through watching my character almost get killed in a giant blender again it will be two soon. Who was the target audience for this franchise again? Also, I’m just going to come out and say this, I love the idol group for this game Deep Cut! Like I’m not even kidding, Shiver, Frye and Big Man are my fav group of idols and I love how all three of them are influenced by different cultures. If these three ever get Amiibos I’m NOT waiting five years just to get them this time!

6: Pokemon Legends Arceus

When I saw this game announced for the first time, I was immediately excited for it purely because of the setting. And then the game came out and it may honestly be one of my new favourite Pokemon games overall. Not my favourite of the main series as that honour is still held by Sun and Moon, yes you heard me “Gen 5 was the last good Pokemon game” crowd, but in terms of games that walk the line between spin of and main series which this game walks it’s quite high up! It feels like the Wild Area from Sword and Shield but made into a whole game… sorta. It’s more like five wild areas. Ones where you don’t even have to engage in battle just to catch the Pokemon! No really, you can sneak up on unaware Pokemon, throw a Poke ball at them and catch them. Then there’s the change to the battle system where every move has a Strong Style where you sacrifice two turns for more power and Agile Style which is the same but reverse adding an extra layer of strategy to fights. Then there’s how the wild Pokemon in the world actually pose a threat to you the player, can hurt you and battle won’t start until you throw out a Pokemon of your own. THEN there’s all of the new Hisui forms for older Pokemon nearly all of which I love, especially Hisui Typhlosion and Hisui Sneasle and its accompanying evolution. I’m not even kidding when I say that I kind of want more Pokemon Legends games like this. Imagen one for Unova set in the old west or Kalso or Galra with Knights and Kings and Queens. Just as long as it doesn’t have Volvo because, and the games been out for long enough I feel I can finally vent about this, I fucking hate the secret boss fight agents Volvo so fucking much! Having to fight his team of six over powered Pokemon vs your team of should be over powered six Pokemon THEN having to fight Giratina right afterwards THEN having Giratina transform into his Origin forma and get back all his health AND THEN if you lose at this point you have to do the ENITER FUCKING FIGHT WITH VOLVO AGAIN this shitty little prick can fuck right off! I almost rage quite the game entirely because of this!!!

Mikaela: Umm… Do you need my Miltoic or the Naga Version of myself to calm you down again?

No, I’m fine thanks.

5: Xmen Origins Wolverine

I picked this game up at Oz Comic Con this year and you know how people say this is one of the best games based of a bad movie? Yeah, they ain’t kidding! It actually amazes me just how much better in quality this game is compared to the movie it’s based on. It probably helps that originally the X-men Origins Wolverine game was planned to be it’s own game before Sony approached the devs to turn it into a movie tie in game. And my god is this game fun! Not only is the combat fun but it’s brutal as all hell with blood and dismemberment which makes it even more surprising this is one of the few games that DIDN’T get censored in my country before the R18+ rating was introduced in 2013. If you showed me this game out of context I’d believe you if you told me it wasn’t a movie game because a lot of the areas in this game are exclusive to the game likely as a result of it starting out as it’s own original thing at one point. And then you would play the final level and I’d remember “… Oh god, I’m going to have to see that terrible looking version of Deadpool aren’t I?” Yeah I may be a pretty easy guy but even I hate that version of Deadpool! Until Insomniacs Wolverine game comes out if you ever wanted to really feel like Wolverine this is the game!

4: Bayonetta 3

Okay, putting all the drama that Helena Taylor caused by basically lying and brewing up controversy just for attention aside this is one of the other games from this year I was highly anticipating, and that anticipation paid off. One of the new things they added that I enjoy was the new Demon Slave mechanic. Finally, we actually get to control the demons in gameplay instead of just in a QTE at the end of a boss fight. Yeah, some of them can be pretty over powered, hello Umbren Clock Tower and Ball Zeeb, but hey you don’t have to play with them in combat if you don’t want to. Especially since all the new weapons are also just as fun to play with and while not being able to mix and match hand and feet weapons anymore does suck, I honestly don’t mind seeing as how each weapon has a Demon Slave tied to it so it feels like a substitute. Yes, EVERY weapon (excluding Scarborough fair and Love it Blue as those are bonus items for just having Bayonetta 1 and 2 save date!) Including Rodin! You can get both his weapon from the super difficult secret boss agents him AND the guy himself as a Demon Slave. I’d make a fetish joke out of this but then I remembered what franchise this is! And finally, FINALLY we get a new playable who ACTUALLY has her own unique move set with Viola! Seriously, that whole nonsense of the playable Jeanne, Zero and Rosa in previous games just being Bayonetta but with altered stats and the only real unique playable characters being locked behind a multiplayer mode was always the one thing I was never really a big fan of. Also probably hot take but Viola’s theme Gh()st > Bayonetta’s theme AI Fine. And yeah, the story isn’t that great sure, but Bayonetta is a franchise where the story usually takes a back seat. Although I will say this, and spoiler warning, if your upset at this games ending because it didn’t make all your Bayonetta X Jeanne fanfictions come true just remember that this game is about the multiverse and they are lovers in at least one universe!

3: God of War Ragnarock

There is only one real reason as to why this game isn’t higher for me personally. The blindness status effect that limits your vision and disables lock on. Other than that really petty nitpick (and I guess maybe me preferring the gameplay of the classic series because well, I played the original PS2 God of War this year as well and let’s just say growing up on the original Devil May Cry does affect you opinion on a games combat a little) the game itself is still really dam good. The new enemy types and better bosses would have been enough since those were two of the biggest complaints with the 2018 game but then they went and added a brand new weapon with the Draupnir spear, more realms from Norse Mythology to explore, sections where you get to play as Atreus and he’s just as fun to play as his farther AND having what is probably one of my favourite stories from any of the games I’ve played this year this could of easily made it to my favourite game I played this year. And seeing as how this game is meant to be the last of the Norse saga, here’s hoping we get that Egyptian setting for the next couple of games like the originally planned 2018 to be before settling on Norse.

2: Spider-Man Shattered Dimensions

This is the one Spider-Man I have wanted for close to a decade now even before I started properly collecting them in 2020 because the idea behind the game had always appealed to me. It was pretty much Into the Spider-Verse before Into the Spider-Verse. And I got extremely lucky with getting this game two! I got it from a Cash Converters for only $35 dollars and I’m so glad it actually worked two and was better than I imagined it. Not only does it have four different Spider-Men each with there own unique playstyle, but the levels all have their own visual styles to match the Spider-Man your playing witch is such a cool detail but they are all equally fun to play as! Oh, and despite what some people might tell, no. The Noir stealth levels DO NOT rip of Batman Arkham Asylum! This game was in development before Arkham Asylum was released. Knowing me though and what one particular Spider-Man in this game has you can probably guess which of these four is my favourite to play. The only thing I can really say I’m disappointed in is that up until the final level the Spider-Men don’t interact with each other. It honestly would have been really cool to see how Noir Spider-Man’s more serious personality conflicts with the others more joking sides or Amazing being somewhat worried to work with Ultimate because of his own experience with the Venom Symbiote. To be fair, we did get Edge of Time after this and even though that’s only Amazing and 2099 they do actually interact with each other. And also Into The Spider-Verse in 2018.

1: LEGO Star Wars The Skywalker Saga

Yep, out of every game I’ve talked about so far a LEGO game is not only my favourite from this year but also my most anticipated game of this year! Aside from being a really good retelling of all nine main movies the open world half of this game is actually what I have been wanting in a Star Wars game for years now! Being able to explore the galaxy and all the planets in it, fly around in space, do quests for people and to top it all off a massive selection of characters to play as especially if you include the DLC that add’s in characters from different Star Wars media like The Mandalorian and The Bad Batch. Then there’s the actual combat and I’m just going to come out and say this, this is the best combat in a LEGO game! It actually requires a lot more from the players other than just spamming square or jump slamming since enemies will start blocking your melee attacks if you use the same one over and over again but still being simple enough for the games target audience. This is how I want the combat in all the LEGO games going forward to be like. Imagen if we got a new LEGO Pirates of the Caribbean game with this combat or a new LEGO DC or Marvel game. Sure, there’s no Character Creator this time which does suck especially after just how good it was in LEGO DC Super Villains and they even said it was going to be added in at one point but who cares when the rest of the game itself is that enjoyable? There’s a reason it was one of the few games I went out of my way to get the Platinum Trophy on.

He’s white!

Not only that but he’s also a white male!

He has disgusting kinks like Hypnosis, Latex, Snake Coils, Vore and loads of other horrible kinks!

I bet he still lives in his mother’s basement!

He hates Hotline Miami and Spec Ops: The Line but likes The Last of Us 2 and the 2013 Devil May Cry reboot.

He claims to be a Devil May Cry fan but says that he wouldn’t care if Dantae was made playable in Super Smash Bros even saying he doesn’t “need” to be. Yes he does!

He claims to be a Shantae fan but says that he wouldn’t care if Shantae was made playable in Super Smash Bros even saying she doesn’t “need” to be. Yes she does!

He puts terrible jokes in the description of art he commissions.

He puts terrible jokes along side serious critiques in his game reviews.

He’s clearly a Wayfoward fanboy! I mean have you seen how many of their games he plays?

He’s clearly a Ubisoft Fanboy! I mean he enjoys Assassin’s Creed!

He like the Star Wars sequels but not the prequels! Is he even a true Star Wars fan?

He eats with his hands! Eww.

He leaves the Toilet Seat up!

Despite Lamias/Nagas being his favourite kind of monster girl his favourite from Monster Musume is Rachnera. What a hypocrite!

He doesn’t take tier lists seriously at all!

His favourite Zelda game is Twilight Princess!

He use to use Mikaela as a gender swapped self-insert of himself. Now he uses his actual self. How cringe worthy!

By the way, whatever happened to Male Mikaela anyway?

At least three of his waifus are not major characters in what they originate from!

He is always super late to playing popular games! It took him 13 years after the original release of Ocarina of Time to play it, 9 years after the original release of Batman: Arkham City to play it and Sonic Generations and over two decades for the original DOOM!

He actually likes Modern Pokemon. Because of him we will never get another good Pokemon game!

He thinks Team Rocket is the worst Pokemon villain team in the series but that the Aether Foundation is the best villain team!

He ships himself with Shantae. How cringe!

He ships his OC with Nessa. How cringe!

He actually likes Fire Emblem Awakening and Fates! What a shrill!

He actually dislikes Fire Emblem Shadows of Valentia! What a hater!

He thinks we overreact when we send death threats to people who are destroying our beloved franchises!

He genuinely believes that we aren’t entitled to have a movie/game/product turn out the way we need and that the creators should be allowed to do whatever they want!

He likes Life if Strange, the Star Wars sequels, Mad Max: Fury Road, among various other modern crap that pushes women and minorities in the spotlight so clearly, he’s an SJW!

I hear he puts his collection of Totaku figures on the same shelf as his Amiibo collection!

He says he’s from Australia yet have you heard his voice!?

His reviews are clearly just taken from the front page of most Wikipedia articles!

Not only does he like Undertale but it’s one of his favourite games of all time!

Not only does he love Skyrim but it’s one of his favourite games of all time!

He still plays Team Fortress 2 every now and then! Doesn’t he know the games dead?

He doesn’t like the words Cringe and Pogger.

He thinks KFC is better than McDonalds.

He actually thinks the Wii U has value despite all the games on it being ported to the Switch.

He thinks review scores have no value even though they clearly do determine the objective quality of a game!

He thinks Game of the Year is a meaningless title because a game you and everyone else loves isn’t going to be loved by everyone else because of our different tastes!

By the way, whatever happened to that story arc of Mikaela and Charlotte meeting for the first time?

He is WAY to harsh on Bolo, Morgana, Monika and Joel when they did nothing wrong in there respective games!

He actually has a Disney Plus subscription when he could of easily pirated The Mandalorian and Season Eight of Star Wars: The Clone Wars!

He plays Nintendo 64 games on an emulator despite owning a Nintendo 64 himself!

One of his favourite Pokemon, Milotic, he probaply only likes because he want’s to be coiled and hypnotised by it the dam deviant!

One of his favourite Pokemon, Gardivoir, he probably only likes because it’s obvious waifu bait!

He thinks Spongbob Squarepants declined in quality after Steven Hillinberge left to work on other things. He’s actually taking a show aimed at kids seriously!

He thinks Team Yell in Pokemon Sword and Shield is an representation of toxic fan bases. He’s taking a game aimed at kids seriously!

Despite being a fan of both Bayonetta and Devil May Cry he can’t even beat both those games on Non Stop Infinite Climax or Dante Must Die difficulties.

He genuinely thinks Call of Duty is one of the most over hated game franchises ever!

So he hates Hotline Miami but loves Katana ZERO even though those games aren’t that to different?

He probably only brought Blaster Master ZERO and Runbow because those games have his waifu playable in them as a guest character.

You want to talk about shit taste in characters? He likes Patricia Wagon, Alta and Luna even though the games they come from don’t have any actual story and are purely gameplay, likes Noize and the Water Lilly Siren despite those two only existing for the sake of there respective boss fights, Tharja and Camilla despite originating from the objectively worse Fire Emblem games and Hex Maniac and Tuki because…. Fucked if we know!

He probably only plays most of the games he does for the kink material anyway which makes us more surprised he claims to have not grown up with Totally Spies!

His into the Michaelverse idea was clearly ripped of from ISeeYouPenguin4’s Worlds Collide idea even shipping himself with a character whose name sounds no different from Shanti!

He likes Saints Row The Third over the vastly superior Saints Row 2!

He enjoys both Fallout: New Vegas and Fallout 4. Take one or the other man! Preferably the much more superior New Vegas because Bethesda is shit!

He thinks that we are hypocrites for wanting another Mario character in Smash but complaining about there being just as many Fire Emblem characters.

He thinks that we are hypocrites for being okay with Ezio in Assassin’s Creed to sparing Rodrigo Borgia’s despite plotting agents his family and caused his farther and brothers to be killed but getting angry when Elie in The Last of Us 2 doesn’t kill Abby who killed Elie’s farther figure!

He thinks we are hypocrites for complaining about Call of Duty doing the same thing every year but praising Super Mario Galaxy 2 for the same reasons we hate Call of Duty!

He says “No game is perfect” so why hasn’t he reviewed Ride to Hell: Retribution yet?

According to him, the haters of something are apparently more annoying than the fans!

He says “No game is perfect” so why hasn’t he reviewed Sonic 06 yet?

He thinks that he’s an artist all just because he does half baked self-indulgent fetish stories!

He’s never made a game in his life yet he still has serious discussions about games as if he knows what he’s talking about.

By the way, whatever happened to his Pony OC’s anyway?