Pro Gamer: Hello everyone, it’s me. xX_ProGamer69_Xx. And I’m depressed. Why? Well, it all happened one day when I was looking at my gaming shelf consisting of the only three games I actually own of Super Mario Bros, Zelda and Who Framed Rodger Rabbit as well as the only video game console I actually own, my Nintendo Entertainment System, I start to get depressed. Because I’ve been playing these same three games since the 80’s and not bothering to try out any new games since then, know every corner of these games, every secret and can literally speedrun Zelda with bombs only for breakfast and only during my recent run did I realise. Gaming isn’t good anymore. Now when I play these same three games I just feel… empty!

PG: And I’m sure there’s going to be someone in the comments typing “Oh well no shit you don’t enjoy gaming anymore, you’ve been playing the same three games for several decades now, one of which isn’t even that good anyway.” And I have a perfectly good response for you. Shut up!

PG: And besides, there’s no good new games coming out anymore anyway! Not one single good game has come out in the last couple of decades. I know because I’ve consumed hundreds of hours of other copy pasted Gaming is Dead videos and don’t need to play or try anything out for myself to know that gaming isn’t fun anymore… And that’s all I got for this…… Look rent is coming up and I just need ad revenue okay so please share this video around and get people to subscribe because something something not enough people are subbed bye.

PG: … Okay, video’s done, I made convincing arguments, now to just sit back and watch the views and comments roll in for my… Wait… my gamer sense is going off. Oh no, someone nearby is… ENJOYING A MODERN GAME!

Bellmo’s Home

PG: Kicks down the door. Stop right there evil dooer!

Ugg, hello Pro Gamer. What do you want? April Fools isn’t for a couple months now.

PG: My gamer sense was going off and it was leading me to your home!

…… Your “gamer sense.”

PG: Yes! And it was telling me that you were playing… A MODERN GAME!?

…… Yeah? So?

PG: So? SO? How could you!? Gaming isn’t good anymore!

Oh God, not another one. Look dude, this is actually a really fun game I’m playing. Rise of the Ronin. It has some really fun and satisfying combat, a really unique setting where both Eastern and Western cultures collide and it’s one of the only other Soulsborne like games I’ve played where you can actually lower the difficulty if it’s getting two much for you with the only other game I’ve played in this style that does this being Stellar Bl…

PG: Stop! You lost me at “this is actually a really fun game.”

But it is though! Look, I just started a new game. I was going to try doing a pure samurai run where I’d use nothing but katana’s for the whole run and throw stealth out the window but you can have a go if you want.

PG: No!

… Do you just not like Soulsborne games or something? Because you can just say that if you want and I’d believe you since these types of games are already really hard to get into for some people because of how they are made to be super difficult from the get go anyway and that turns a lot of people away from them.

PG: It’s amazing anyone can like these games to begin with.

Okay, if your going to be THAT critical of a game you won’t even try out why you play this instead, Astro Bot. It’s a lot simpler since it’s classic platforming goodness and is just overall a really fun game even if you don’t have any attachment to a lot of the franchise it’s refencing. I mean hell, this game ever won Game of the Year. Because that really matters to people... For some reason.

PG: … Nope, still not playing it!

Wha… WHY NOT!?

PG: Do you really think I’ll be won over by blatant fan service like what this game has?

Okay, I admit, the fan service in Astro Bot isn’t exactly subtle but how is that a detriment to the gameplay of this gameplay first game?

PG: Well because it’s clearly using fan service as a substitute for interesting gameplay and they know sheep like you will instantly fall for it.

Okay look, as much as I’m with you on not wanting games, movies or anything to rely to much on callbacks, fan service or nostalgia because there are times when it can come off as either in your face or over indulgent, Astro Bot doesn’t have that issue because most of it is relegated to optional special bots and even then what they are referencing you either have to have played the games they are referencing or have some knowledge of them to get the reference and even the levels that are just straight up recreations of other games they are just fun on their own and help break up the usual gameplay.

PG: Well umm… there’s… it’s not as good as…

Sigh You can’t find anything actually worth complaining about to prove your point about why gaming isn’t good anymore can you?

PG: But I just did!

Okay, here’s a game you can’t possibly hate then, Stray! It’s an incredibly unique game where you play…

PG: Play as a cat? Yeah, I know. And what a lame concept for a game. I mean, a fucking cat? Who want’s to play that!?

… Arzette: The Jewel of Faramore then? It’s made as a parody of the infamously bad CD-i Zelda games, even having the voice actors from those games voice in this one, difference is this game is actually well made.

PG: “Oh look at us! We are so funny making a parody of those games that inspired Youtube Poops. Please play us.”

Okay fine! Look, I recently just brought the remastered collection of the first three Tomb Raider games using what was left of my Christmas money. If you won’t play anything new, then maybe you can try something old with a new coat of paint.

PG: Please, if the Definitive Edition of the Grand Theft Auto trilogy was the worst way to play these games what makes you think this is going to be any better?

Because people seem to really like this version of the trilogy and say it’s still a good way to experience it. I mean they wouldn’t of announced they were going to give this same treatment to three more classic Tomb Raider games if this was not well liked. And not every remaster of classic games has been bad either dude, I played Klonoa Phantasy Reverie Series last year and that is still a good ways to experience the Klonoa games nowadays if you can get over how distracting it is that this collections version of Klonoa 1 is using the compressed voice clips from the original PS1 version alongside the higher quality models.

PG: And?

Sigh. Okay, fine! You said in your recent video you liked Mario right? Well, why not play Super Mario Wonder? It’s a really dam good Mario game that has it’s own unique mechanics while still being the same Mario fun as it always has.

PG: Ooooh, Mario! … Shakes head. You can’t convince me to give modern gaming a try no matter what Bellmo! There are no good games coming out anymore, gaming is dead and that’s final!

… Have you ever actually tried a modern game to form your own opinion on it?

PG: Nope!

Or at least looked into any of the actually really great games beyond some of the average or mediocre stuff that does get released?

PG: Still no!

Or shown any interest in any game beyond just those three you own?

PG: Oh, so THAT’S how you want to play this? I see what you’re trying to do. Well guess what, it isn’t going to work! I can’t believe your actually defending modern gaming and acting like there’s nothing wrong with it!

That is not what I’m doing at all mate! In fact, I have regularly and rightfully called out and criticized a lot of aspect about gaming that I’ve had issues with for years now, some of these even sadly going as far back as the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 days and have only gotten worse.

Games being made live service when they don’t need to be or if you just wanna play a game in single player, games being broken messes on launch only getting periodically fixed, predatory microtransactions, battle passes where you HAVE to play the game during that period while also paying more money to even unlock that pass otherwise that content is lost forever, content being made paid DLC that doesn’t need to be paid DLC, games regularly being delisted from digital stores, “enhanced” re-releases of old games that end up ultimately being worse than those original versions, long as hell install times for games even when you buy said games physically, oh and can someone explain to my why the hell I have to pay an online subscription just to play something with my friends? Yeah, with PlayStation Plus I get free games every month out of it and Xbox Game Pass I get access to 100+ games which I love but does the most basic and in some cases most fundamental aspect of gaming have to be locked behind it as well?

PG: … So, you agree that gaming isn’t good anymore then?

No! No I don’t! Even if I gave you stuff like Golem which is a genuinely bad and poorly made game, Concord which only lasted a week before the server shut down or Suicide Squad Kill the Justice League having all the live service BS I hate on top of already being a mixed bag gameplay wise you can’t just hyper focus purely on the bad games or blow the issues of decent or mediocre at best game so far out of the water and make a bigger deal out of them than they need to be like when people tried doing that shit with LEGO Skywalker Saga or Spider-Man 2! I have played a lot of games from the past five years alone that I’ve loved or at the very least enjoyed to still have fun with gaming now as an adult as I did when I was a child.

No Straight Roads, Animal Crossing New Horizons, Zelda Tears of the Kingdom, Ghost of Tsushima, Astro Bot, God of War Ragnarock, Hi Fi Rush, Super Mario Bros Wonder, and that’s not even counting the games I have on my backlog that people say are great or at least good anyway and have been meaning to get around to like Zelda Echo’s of Wisdom.

There’s still tons of great games that have come out recently and are coming out that gaming isn’t dead to me! Seriously, I can not tell you how hyped I am for Ghost of Yotei to come out! And quite frankly, acting like gaming didn’t have issues in the past is kinda a bad mindset to have. I mean did we all just forget Superman 64 was a thing?

PG: ……… Snoring.

Why do I even bother? Get’s out phone. Hello? Yeah, it’s me. I need you to come over as soon as you can. Yeah, it’s Pro Gamer, he feel asleep in my home and won’t wake up. Thanks.