What is up people, this is Nerds and Players here with some horrible news that I am sad to announce. The Philips CDi has killed gaming! And Zelda The Wand of Gamelon has killed the Zelda series gentlemen! Like I don’t know how the series, or even gaming as a whole will ever recover after this!
ZELDA IS DEAD!!!
What has caused me to come to this conclusion? What about this harmless Zelda game has caused the industry to become instantly dead? Get this! They made Princess Zelda… the main character!!!
ZELDA HAS GONE WOKE!!!
Can you believe this people!? Can you believe they actually made a Zelda game where you play as the princess!? Obsured! No one wanted this! No one would of ever asked for this! Why would Nintendo allow this!?
Ahh but see, this isn’t Nintendo’s fault! This is the fault of Philips for thinking they could make a Zelda game for there brand spanking new console. Now see if Nintendo were the ones handling this game then the series would never of gone woke like this.
NINTENDO SHOULD NEVER LET OTHER PEOPLE MAKE GAMES FOR THEM!
Oh but you want to know what the worst part of this whole thing is? Link is the one you have to rescue in this game! THAT’S RIGHT! The normally masculine and brave Link, the man we have been playing as for this whole series and has always rightfully been the main character… is now reduced to nothing more than the dude in distress that needs to be saved? Meanwhile Princess Zelda is now this strong, independent warior who’s able to defend herself agents all manner of monster. Is this an attack on men?
MEN ARE UNDER ATTACK!
It has to be! That has to be the reason this whole game was even made in the first place! As an attack on men! And all in a vain attempt to make the Zelda series go woke!
BOYCOTT PHILIPS! MEN ARE UNDER ATTACK!
They should of just released Link Faces of Evil on it’s own and thrown this woke garbage down the drain! No one wants to play as Princess Zelda in a Zelda game! This series will never recover and it’s all Philips fault. Nice job shoving your agenda down our throats you woke assholes! No wonder this game is getting negative reviews! People don’t want this woke BS in gaming! We just want good games! Just give us good games! That’s all we are asking for! Is it that hard?!?!
“Umm dude, I have a friend who has a Philips CDi and Wand of Gamelon. He says that the bad reviews for this game are ACTUALLY coming from the fact that it’s a poorly made game with bad controls, terrible cut scenes, bad voice acting, bad level design and none of the negative reviews are coming from the fact that you play as Zelda. Especially since Link Faces of Evil has all these same issues and is getting the same negative reviews.”
HEY! No one gave you permission to talk! Your job is to man the camera man! You just lost yourself a job!
“*Sigh.* Fine. I hated working here anyway. Oh, and one more thing, if you’re going to whine about the series going ‘woke’ because they dared to make the character who this series is named after actually playable you might as well whine about Metroid since Samus is a female.”
… OH MY GOD YOUR RIGHT! FORGET WHAT I SAID! BOYCOTT NINTENDO AS WELL! NINTENDO HAS GONE WOKE TWO!!!1!!
“*sigh.* Me and my big mouth.”