Alright you guys, I just got some BIG, MASSIVE and most importantly IMPORTANT new info from my super secret inside source at Nintendo about a brand new game they are going to be announcing at the Nintendo Direct this month. Oh what’s that? You want proof that I do have an actual super secret source inside Nintendo? Oh don’t worry. I have proof. My super secret source at Nintendo goes by the alias "My Asshole!" And let me tell this, the info I’ve gotten, it’s big! Like my super secret source has only sent me a portion of this massive game that Nintendo are working on so when I say this is a big game, I mean it’s a MASSIVE game!
What is this mysterious game I’m talking about that will be announced officially this June folks? Well not only is it a brand new game but it’s also going to be a launch title for the Nintendo Switch 2! It is none other than Super Mario Odyssey 2: Galactic Odyssey!
That’s right! This new Mario game is not only a sequel to Super Mario Odyssey but also a sequel to Super Mario Galaxy making this a duel sequel! But the ambition doesn’t just end their folks, oh no! This game is far, FAR more than just a simple Mario Odyssey and Galaxy sequel! It may honestly be the greatest video game I have ever played in my life. It is a game that has not only surpassed my expectations but took my expectations on a fancy dinner date. And then proceed to give my expectations the most sensual session of intercourse they have ever had!
Join Mario on his most emotional and epic adventure yet which will take him not only beyond the Mushroom Kingdom but beyond the planet as well! No actually, not even just an adventure into space but beyond dimensions two! In fact, there will be not just one Mario but several! Main series Mario, Dr Mario, Paper Mario, Grand Dad, Live Action Movie Mario and Illumnation Movie Mario! All will be playable, and all must team up to defeat Bowser once and for all who has now become the most powerful being in the known universe after absorbing the life force of all the other Bowsers in all the other universes and now seeks to conquer the universe with his new awesome might.
Not only is this the best story in a Mario game I have played to date but every single character from Mario’s past is going to make an appearance. And, maybe a few crossover characters from other franchises as well! And I don’t just mean other game franchises either! No no, somehow Nintendo managed to get the rights to use characters from several movies and TV shows! AND the story will even have multiple endings depending on the choices you make and the relationships you build with certain characters. Including romantic ones! So for all you Vivian simps out there, be happy you can end the game and Mario’s story married to her and knowing the two will live the rest of there lives happy together. Or maybe you’d rather Mario’s story end with him in a relationship with Sonic the Hedgehog. Who says these rival mascots can’t be more than friends?
For this brand new game Nintendo has done away with levels and stages and has instead made the whole game one seamless open world! Using the power of the Nintendo Switch 2 and running on Unreal Engine 4, Unity, Frostbite and RE Engine Nintendo has created a world with no loading and one that really feels alive. You’ve never seen the Mario universe as alive and as detailed as this before folks! Now all you people who for some reason hyper focused on Mario’s more detailed hair in Odyssey 1 can hyper focus on new detailed stuff. Best part is that every character is voice acted with full dialogue. And the soundtrack is also provided by none other than both John Williams and Danny Elfman themselves! Not only will this adventure look epic but it will sound and feel epic as well!
But that’s not all Nintendo is doing with this new game! The gameplay has been completely overhauled as well! Oh, the classic platforming gameplay is still here and retained BUT with new enemies with higher health and as a result, a reworked combat system with new moves and combos to learn and master. That right! You get to throw hands with gommbas and koppas and all manner of monsters. But you won’t be fighting alone, oh no! You will fighting alongside various other characters who can join you on your adventure as your companions who you again, can also build relationships with. And you and your crew can explore the Mario Galaxy in style thanks to a new method of travel, the Great Fox! Yes, Star Fox has decided to lend Mario their own spaceship. Yeah, they could have given him the Comet Observatory or Starship Mario but those things don’t have laser guns or turrets.
And those things will be necessary because another new feature of this game is Space Battles! Not only will Mario be battling on the ground but also in the air! Defend yourself using the Great Fox’s on-board defence systems OR deploy the Arwing for fast paced dog fighting. Best part is, your companion also gets to fly around in their own Arwing. Better part, the Arwings can be customized! Not just for Mario but for each individual companion you bring with you!
But it won’t just be fighting Bowsers army you can do. I mean you CAN focus purely on that but that’s only about like 20% of the game. You can also accept side quests from various different characters and engage in so many engaging and interesting side story’s that flesh out the Mario universe and let you see a side to these characters you may have never seen before. Such as helping Rosalina find a new home for her Lumas after the Comet Observatory was sadly destroyed by space pirates. Or helping Luigi finally be brave without having to rely on Mario. Or joining Kirby as he hunts down some missing food from his stash.
Platforming and action not your thing? No worries, you can also go Go Kart racing. Or how about playing some sports? Sing karaoke, bet on horse racing, dance the night away, play some chess or checkers, have a party, buy and decorate a home to store all your gear and items, do ANYTHING you want in this game! Forget Mario Kart! Forget Mario Party! Forget Dance Dance Revolution Mario Mix! You won’t need to play any other Mario game ever again as THIS will be the ultimate Mario experience! Actually, you won’t need to play ANY other game period! Because this right here? THIS is the true ultimate gaming experience! Best part is that this game will be pre installed onto every single Nintendo Switch 2 system and will work with EVERY SINGLE CONTOLER IN EXSISTENCE! That way, anyone can play with whatever they are comfortable with. Yes indeed, Nintendo has crafted one of the greatest video game experiences ever and I will gladly give them all my money for when this game officially releases. Even though I have a super secret source inside Nintendo who could also just send me the full thing for free…… Huh.
Now, for as perfect as this game already is, I do have to be honest since my super secret source has given me free reign to talk about this game however I want so forgive me for talking shit about an un-announced game that isn’t even finished yet but I know will be perfect anyway. While the side quest where you have to help Donkey Kong preform with his new Bongo band was a great moment of character building for the big ape, it was a pain in the ass to have to buy a set of Jungle Beat Bongos on Ebay which are mandatory for this section. The Rosalina Romance route isn’t finished in this build yet and the game will crash if you try to confess your love to her. Luigis voice lines and animations are not finished yet either so he’s permanently stuck as a T Posing mannequin. And even though I LOVED the cameo appearance of Raiden from Metal Gear Rising it was obvious he was clearly only shoehorned into this game as a love interest for Luigi. But who cares honestly. Because the bonus mission where you get to play as Shovel Knight and Shantae fighting a giant mech to the tune of Undefetable from Sonic Frontiers IS AWSOME!
And the cast! Oh is this an all star cast! This game stars… Mario. Luigi. Peach. Daisy. Rosalina. Wario. Waluigi. Yoshi… Wait, why am I going over all the characters you’re expecting when I can instead go over the surprise guest characters! Such as… Link. Darth Vader. Indiana Jones. Twilight Sparkle. Blitzo. Dante. Bayonetta. Morrigan. Ezio Adutorie. Sans. Sonic the Headghog. Crash Bandicoot. Spyro the Dragon. Heisnburg. Trevor Philips. Homer Simpson. Omni Man. Freddy Fazbear. Shovel Knight. Shantae. John Snow. Boyfriend. Micky Mouse. Bugs Bunny. Spider-Man. Batman. Mata Nui. Matt. Pewdiepie. Jacksepticeye. Markiplier. And special guest starting Dwayne the Rock Johnson as Kirby!
Oh boy, I can’t WAIT until Nintendo announces the full game at the Nintendo direct! And the best part, my insider even game me the release date! The release date for this game is… Wait what is that sound? … OH SHIT! IT’S THE NINTENDO NINJAS! GOTTA GO!....................................................................................................